Monday, September 1, 2014

Monday

(Lotteria is the Asian McDonald's.)

Yesterday, I walked five miles to church.  No big deal.  I have a fat ass, so I need all the exercise I can get.  The sermon was excellent.  It centered around Matthew 11.  John the Baptist sends one of his followers to question the nature of Jesus.  John hopes that Jesus will be able to get him out of Herod's dungeon.  But God doesn't work that way.  The Baptist is later beheaded.

I took the family to Lotteria.  Lotteria is the Asian version of McDonald's.  I'm not a huge fan of the franchise.  However, the restaurant features filling and inexpensive junk food which my children enjoy.  We bought a bucket of chicken, six orders of French fries, and three large drinks for twenty-five dollars.  Not too shabby.

We returned to our Soviet-style concrete tenement.  I downloaded UFC 177.  I love watching grown men knock the living shit out of each other.  The main event featured a fighter named T.J. Dillashaw.  He stopped his opponent in the fifth round with a brutal kick to the head.  How this stuff is legal is beyond me.  I'm just surprised that these athletes manage to survive such savage beatings.

(T.J. Dillashaw wins again.)


I paid homage to the Christ God.  No big surprise.  I'm not some dirty pagan.  I asked Jesus to forgive me for watching grown men knock the living shit out of each other.  I know it's a sin. Yet I simply can't help myself.  I'm like a retarded child staring at a zoo animal.  The thrill simply refuses to dissipate.  So what's a boy to do?

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank several cups of coffee.  Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  A woman in Seoul committed suicide this weekend.  She couldn't handle the shame of being sexually harassed by her supervisor.  Asians kill themselves far too often.  It's a real problem here on the peninsula.  Koreans are always jumping out of their apartment windows for one reason or another.

I turned on Fox News.  The president admitted that he has not yet formulated a plan for Syria.  The media went wild.  I'm baffled.  Why call a press conference to tell the world that you have no talent at foreign policy?  Obama graduated from Harvard with high honors.  But he often acts like an idiot.  Commonsense isn't one of his stronger attributes.

Anyway, it's time to don our tinfoil hats.  Here's the excitable Max Keiser discussing Bitcoin.

God bless.       

Friday, August 29, 2014

Friday

(Lee Seung-Yeop struck out in the ninth inning.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady served fish and rice for dinner.  The meal was all right.  At least the rice wasn't purple this time.  I washed the vittles down with several glasses of generic cola.  Carbonated beverages bring me joy.  But I'm thinking of switching to tea.  My belly is so big that I'm using it as an arm-rest.

I watched baseball on the tube.  The Samsung Lions travelled to Seoul to play the Doosan Bears.  The Lions lost the game 6-5.  The squad had a chance to take the lead in the top of the ninth.  Lee Seung-Yeop stepped to the plate with two down and a man on second.  Sadly, the 37-year-old home run legend struck out while trying to hit a nasty slider.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some dirty nihilist.  I asked Jesus to transform my wife into a friendly person.  I'm tired of listening to the woman.  All she does is bitch, bitch, bitch.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I had a strange dream.  I stood on a hill looking down on a supermarket.  It was my place of employment.  I walked into the store with a heap of plastic bottles cradled in my arms.  I dropped the bottles and buffed the floors.  After that, I filled a large bin with inflatable beach balls.

I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank several cups of coffee.  Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  A man from Canada wrote an editorial about driving through the Korean countryside.  He exhorted his fellow foreigners to get out of their houses and enjoy the natural beauty which the peninsula has to offer. Unfortunately, I'm too lazy to drag my fat ass off the sofa.

I turned on Fox News.  The Five discussed Vladimir Putin.  I'm no fan of this shirtless moron.  But the Russian people seem to adore their president.  His approval rating is through the roof.  I just hope his never ending gamesmanship doesn't lead to a widespread war in Europe.

Anyway, it's time to don our tinfoil hats.  Here's Jim Rickards discussing the future of gold with Peter Schiff.

God bless.

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Thursday

(Jeff Rense has wonderful hair.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady served pork and rice for dinner.  The meal wasn't very good.  I'm not a big fan of rice.  But I didn't complain.  I just smiled and ate my food like a well-trained retarded child.  I'm wonderful that way.  I washed the vittles down with several glasses of generic cola.  Carbonated beverages bring me great pleasure.

I watched baseball on the tube.  The Samsung Lions played the Lotte Giants in the city of Pusan.  Lotte won the game 11-4.  J.D. Martin was the starting pitcher for the Lions.  He's a white man from Louisiana.  His wife and young son are always in the stands dressed in LSU gear.  I love the Tigers.  Poor old Smith bleeds purple and gold.

I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some dirty pagan.  I asked Jesus to help my eldest son become a more serious student.  The kid's blessed with a lot of intellectual talent.  Yet he squanders his considerable gifts on internet bullshit. He's just another lonely crackhead blowing up the virtual universe.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m and drank several cups of coffee.  Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  Manchester United got trounced 4-0 by the lowly MK Dons.  The Dons are a team mired in England's 3rd division.  United, on the other hand, is a world class squad.  So this kind of shit isn't supposed to happen.  Perhaps their humiliating defeat is a sign of the coming apocalypse.  One can only hope.

I turned on Fox News.  A firearms instructor from Arizona was teaching a nine-year-old kid how to shoot an Uzi.  The little girl accidentally killed the man with the weapon.  I'm a huge proponent of the 2nd Amendment.  However, knuckleheads who hand machine guns to children make conservatives look stupid.  A bit of commonsense goes a long way.

Anyway, it's time to don our tinfoil hats.  Here's crazy Jeff Rense discussing the sorry state of world with Gerald Celente.

God bless.   

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Tuesday

(The Knick is the best show on television.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady made beef and rice for dinner.  The meal wasn't very good.  In fact, the rice was purple.  The purple stuff is supposed to be healthier than the white variety.  Nevertheless, the color didn't help my appetite.  I washed the vittles down with several glasses of generic cola.  But the sugar failed to mask the flavor.

I watched the latest episode of The Knick.  Clive Owen is an impressive actor, and his series is far and away the best on television.  Dr. Thackery's latest patient is a woman being eaten alive by syphillis.  She's even lost her nose to the illness.  He desperately tries to help.  Yet the technology to make her beautiful again simply doesn't exist.  So the poor creature is forced to spend the rest of her life with a gaping hole in the middle of her face.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some filthy atheist.  I asked Jesus to help me through this endless recession.  I've got mouths to feed.  I just hope that I can keep working till I keel over and die. 

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank several cups of coffee.  Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  Korea won the Little League World Series.  The peninsula is screaming with joy.  Beating the snot out of an American team is icing on top of the cake.

I turned on Fox News.  James Foley was beheaded by a rapper from an affluent suburb of London.  Talk about adding insult to injury.  Radical Islam is a scourge facing the entire planet.  Nothing satisfies these devilish ragheads.  Mark my words. Eventually, they'll kill us all.

Anyway, it's time to don our tinfoil caps.  Here's Peter Schiff discussing the death of Mike Brown.

God bless.            

Monday, August 25, 2014

Monday

(Senator John McCain takes a picture with Islamic terrorists.)

Yesterday, I walked five miles to church.  I'm 45-years-old, so I try to keep in shape.  It's a losing battle.  The sermon was actually pretty good.  The speaker integrated the New Testament with modern day politics.  I enjoy that kind of stuff.

I took the family to McDonald's.  I had a Big Mac with two large orders of French Fries.  The kids ate chicken nuggets.  I'm a big fan of junk food.  Starch and sugar bring me much happiness.  But I cannot tell a lie.  I really miss smoking.  Giving up the booze was no big deal.  However, I'd remove my left nut with a warm spoon for a pack of Marlboros. 

We returned to our Soviet-style concrete tenement.  Don't laugh.  It's nearly paid-for.  I downloaded the latest episode of Hell On Wheels.  The series is one of my all-time favorites.  It's set in the in the city of Cheyenne, Wyoming.  The program's filled with crazy Mormons, blood-thirsty Indians, scheming prostitutes, degenerate gamblers, etc.  What's not to love?  Hell On Wheels has my highest recommendation.  Give the show a try.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some filthy pagan.  I asked Jesus to look after the health of my children.  There's a nasty bug going around.  Poor James-uh can't stop hacking his lungs out.  Perhaps he contracted the deadly Ebola virus.  Stranger things have happened.

I went to bed at 11 p.m.  I had a strange dream.  My sister and I were children again.  We walked to a local convenience store and bought Pop Rocks.  We then had a violent argument concerning school work.  I spilled the candy on the sidewalk.  After that, I cried like a woman.

I woke up at 6 a.m.  I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  Korean men are travelling to the Philippines to copulate with the natives.  Many of the women are becoming pregnant.  Later, the men fly back to the peninsula without supporting their children.  The fatherless waifs are referred to as Kopinos.  The powers-that-be are cracking down on these deadbeat fathers.  And rightly so.

I turned on Fox News.  ISIS is still causing problems.  John McCain called Obama a pussy.  He believes the president should be doing much more to stem the bloodshed in the Middle East.  A few years back, McCain had his picture taken with known Islamic terrorists.  Sadly, he was too freaking stupid to tell the difference between a good Muslim and a bad Muslim.  The senator needs to keep his mouth shut.

Anyway, it's time to don our tinfoil hats.  Here's Alex Jones.  He believes the American government wants to place us all in concentration camps.

God bless.

Saturday, August 23, 2014

Saturday

(Dustin Nippert pitches for the Doosan Bears.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady went to Homeplus.  She brought a pepperoni pizza back to our humble abode.  It came in a large cardboard box.  The meal was delicious.  I love junk food.  I washed the vittles down with several glasses of generic cola.  Carbonated beverages bring me joy.  The experience was heavenly.

I watched baseball on the tube.  The Samsung Lions hosted the Doosan Bears in the city of Daegu.  Doosan won the game 5-4.  The starting pitcher for the Bears was a white man named Dustin Nippert.  He used to play for the Arizona Diamondbacks, but things didn't work out.  Mr. Nippert makes $470,000 a year.  That's great money.  Plus he loves his job.  Talk about a blessing.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some filthy atheist.  I asked Jesus to care for the health of my eldest boy James-uh.  The poor kid's running a high fever with flu-like symptoms.  In fact, his mother's taking him to the hospital as we speak.

I went to bed at midnight.  I had a strange dream.  I was put in charge of a company picnic.  However, I had to borrow money in order to buy the meat.  People complained that there wasn't enough food.  To make matters worse, I didn't have a nickel to repay my debt.  Everybody hated me.

I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank several cups of coffee.  Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  The Korean police caught thirty foreigners selling and smoking marijuana.  They'll end up serving jail time before being deported.  Drugs are no laughing matter here in Asia.  It's best to leave your stash at home.

I turned on Fox News.  The president's playing too much golf.  Even the New York Times is complaining about his aloof behavior.  He does seem quite detached these days.  But he's never been a passionate man.  Obama's too cool for school.  That's why the ladies love him.

Anyway, it's time to don our tinfoil hats.  Here's a mega-rant by Alex Jones.

God bless.

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Thursday

(James Foley is the latest victim of the Muslim Horde.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady prepared curry and rice for dinner.  The meal was nothing special.  I'm not a big fan of rice.  Yet I didn't complain.  I just smiled and ate my vittles with a smile on my face and a song in my heart.  I'm wonderful that way.  The glass is always half-full in Smith's humble abode. 

I washed the food down with several glasses of generic cola.  Carbonated beverages bring me joy.  Then I downloaded the latest episode of Under the Dome.  Sadly, the show has completely jumped the shark.  It's far too outlandish.  The characters are surrounded by a translucent dome.  However, there's a secret door which will release them to a neighboring town.  On top of that, the military industrial complex is frantically searching for a magic egg.  I simply can't handle the bullshit.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some dirty nihilist.  I asked Jesus to keep me healthy.  Poor old Smith has a terrible cold.  I can't stop coughing and blowing my nose.  Perhaps I've contracted the deadly Ebola virus.  I wouldn't be surprised.  Stranger things have happened.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I had another nightmare.  My pastor was really pissed at the congregation.  He accused us of misinterpreting Paul's letter to the Romans.  He said we were ignorant and implored us to change our evil ways.  We agreed to try harder.

I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank several cups of coffee.  Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  The Korean authorities are concerned with a rise in gangsterism.  Back in the day, the local thugs were only involved in extortion and loansharking.  Currently, however, the criminal element is quite diverse in their illegal activities.  Officials fear that they might even possess the know-how to manipulate the domestic stock market.

I turned on Fox News.  ISIS beheaded an American journalist named James Foley.  Mr. Foley's execution was both savage and gut-wrenching.  I hold no love for Islam.  And can you blame me?  Most Muslims are primitive knuckle-draggers who prefer living in the seventh century.  Mark my words. These loons will end up killing us all.

Anyway, it's time to don our tinfoil hats.  Here's Alex Jones.  He believes America is worse than North Korea.

God bless.