Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Wednesday

(All the demons love Miss Ives.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady prepared beef and rice for dinner. I'm not a huge fan of rice. But I didn't complain. I just smiled and ate my vittles like the village idiot. I'm wonderful that way. I washed the food down with several large glasses of Cass beer. Cass is my favorite brand of suds in Korea.

I watched the latest episode of Penny Dreadful. Miss Ives is in the mental home. Her orderly is none other than Frankenstein's monster. He's very kind in his human form, a true gentlemen. Later, Lucifer shows up and tries to seduce her. After that, Dracula stops by for a visit. I'm normally a huge fan of Penny Dreadful. But this episode is a dud.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty pagan. I thanked The Savior for my many blessings. My wife's still on her pills, and my children seem happy. Plus living in Korea isn't a bad deal. The country's very safe, and the schools are good. I'm just glad that I wasn't born in Haiti.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I didn't dream. I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. Young people no longer want to support their aging parents. They believe that it's the government's job to provide for the elderly. When I first arrived in Korea back in the day, the oldsters always lived with their eldest son. I'm sorry to see that tradition go. It seemed like a good deal.

I turned on CNN. Wolf Blitzer thinks that Donald Trump is a naughty boy for bringing up Hillary's sordid past. Wolf scolded a Trump campaign official for The Donald's dirty tactics. Here's the truth. Mrs. Clinton is an absolute pig. And there is no way in hell that she belongs in the White House. She's a disgrace. Therefore, both Bernie and Donald should do their combined best to take her down. Her political destruction is their sacred political duty.

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Tuesday

(Hodor gets greased.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady prepared spicy chicken and rice for dinner. To be honest, the meal wasn't one of her best efforts. But I didn't complain. I just smiled and ate my food like a good little dullard. I'm wonderful that way. I washed the vittles down with several large glasses of Cass. Cass is by far my favorite Korean beer.

I watched Game of Thrones. Theon and his sister are usurped by their uncle. They're forced to run for their lives, stealing the best ships and slipping away undetected. Meanwhile, the gentle giant Hodor gets killed by a gang of unruly white-walkers. Did you know that Hodor means hold the door? I didn't, either. Game of Thrones never fails to keep me entertained.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some filthy nihilist. I thanked The Savior for my many blessings. The Dragon Lady's still taking her meds. She's a completely different person when her hormones aren't out of whack. Anyway, I just pray that the pills keep working.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I had a dream about my wife. I told her that I was far too old to find another woman. After that, we went to see a movie in Connecticut. We sat in the balcony.

I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. A pastor in China was recently murdered near the North Korean border. He was stabbed several times in the neck with a knife. He helped many defectors escape to freedom during his lifetime.

I turned on CNN. Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are running neck and neck in the polls. Hillary's in for a world of hurt. First of all, the convention in Philadelphia is going to be a scene of huge unrest. It may even get violent. On top of that, The Donald will use her like toilet paper to wipe his ass. No topic shall be off limits. We'll get to see all her skeletons.

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.

Monday, May 23, 2016

Monday

(Hillary is a greedy leftist who hates guns.)

On Saturday, I took the Dragon Lady and my youngest son to Pusan. We rode on the fast train. Its rate of speed is nearly 300 kilometers per hour. We attended a baseball game between the Doosan Bears and the Lotte Giants. The bears won. I can't remember the score. I was skunked on beer.

We caught another train back to our apartment on Sunday and ate at a restaurant for dinner. We ordered thirty dollars worth of fried chicken. The bird tasted great. I washed the poultry down with a pitcher of Hite. Cass is my favorite brand. Unfortunately, it's no longer available at my favorite eatery. The owner got offered a better deal by a competing alcohol company. That's OK. The man's got to make a living.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty atheist. I asked The Savior to protect my crazy wife. Loons often balk at taking their medicine. I just hope she keeps swallowing those pills. Chemistry certainly has a way of making life a whole lot more peaceful.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I dreamt about my Korean sister-in-law. I went to her house and pissed on her favorite stuffed toy. She kicked me out, telling me to never come back.

I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. Korea recently passed a law forbidding corporal punishment in public schools. However, many teachers still spank the children. I personally believe that people should keep their hands to themselves. Hitting children only makes them mean and dishonest. Besides, emotional torture is much more effective. I'm the king of guilt, and I use psychology to keep my boys in line.

I turned on CNN. Donald Trump accused Hillary Clinton of hating the 2nd amendment. And he's absolutely right. She'd love nothing better than to take away all of our guns. She pulled this shit in Washington D.C. It used to be illegal for citizens in our nation's capital to own firearms. Thankfully, the Supreme Court overturned the law. Hillary's a greedy leftist who despises everything that America stands for.

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.

Friday, May 20, 2016

Friday

(Cass is my favorite brand of Korean beer.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady brought home pizza for dinner. The pies came in two large cardboard boxes. The meal tasted great. I'm a huge fan of junk food. However, I don't like cheese, so I only ate the sauce and pepperoni. I washed the vittles down with several large glasses of Cass. Cass is my favorite brand of Korean beer.

I watched the Samsung Lions. They lost by the score of 9-6 to the lowly Hanwha Eagles. The Lions starting pitcher was a white man named Allen Webster. He gave up five runs in the third inning. Oh well. He's a young kid who's chasing his dream. May the force be with him. I like baseball. The sport calms my nerves. I've always been a fidgety bastard.

(Allen Webster stunk the place up.)

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some filthy pagan. I thanked The Savior for my many blessings. The Dragon Lady's still on her medication. Those pills are real life savers. She's as mellow as I've ever seen her. She even drinks beer from time to time.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I didn't dream. I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. A loon in Seoul murdered a 23-year-old girl with a knife. He was tired of being rejected by females and decided to lash out against his enemies. This tortured soul is afflicted with schizophrenia. To make matters worse, he hasn't been taking his meds. Nevertheless, he should be marched in chains to the town square and promptly beheaded. The world would be a better place without him.

I turned on CNN. An Egyptian plane was blown out of the sky over the Mediterranean Sea. Most experts believe that militant Islam is to blame. Muslims are some real knuckle-dragging neanderthals. The Donald is absolutely correct. We need to keep these goons out of America. Mark my words. They will prove the death of us all.

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.

Thursday, May 19, 2016

Thursday

(The supporters of Bernie Sanders are violent communists.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady prepared pork and rice for dinner. I'm not a huge fan of rice. But I didn't complain. I just ate my meal with a song in my heart and a smile on my face. I'm wonderful that way. The glass is always half full at my humble abode. I washed the vittles down with several cups of Cass. Cass is my favorite brand of Korean beer.

I watched another episode of Penny Dreadful. Frankenstein's monster is back in London. He's now in a desperate search for his family. Meanwhile, Ethan the werewolf and his witchy girlfriend are wreaking havoc in rural Arizona. Penny Dreadful is a genuinely creepy show. It's filled with blood and gore, and might even give you nightmares.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty pagan. I asked The Savior to look after the Dragon Lady. When she's on her pills, the woman is a domestic queen. But, if she decides to miss a dose or two, she turns into a howling demon. The ups and downs are killing me.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I had another dream about smoking. I got caught puffing on a cig at the airport. I was chased through the parking lot by security. I still miss tobacco. I fear that this monkey will be on my back until I die.

I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. Donald Trump says he has no problem speaking to Kim Jong-un in the future. This offends many older conservative Koreans. They stand firm against any contact with their surly northern neighbors. However, I agree with The Donald. Maybe there's a deal to be made. Stranger things have happened.

I turned on CNN. It's official. The supporters of Bernie Sanders are crazy violent communists. They recently scared the shit out of Barbara Boxer during a campaign event in Nevada. The state police had to be called to bring the hoodlums under control. I expect huge problems to erupt in Philadelphia when the convention hits town. Mark my words. Things will not be pretty.

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Tuesday

(Fergus Crowley for president.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady served chicken for dinner. She bought the meal at Emart. It came in a cardboard bucket. My boys and I devoured the bird in less than fifteen minutes. I washed the vittles down with several glasses of Cass beer. Cass is my favorite brand of suds in Korea.

I watched an episode of Supernatural. Fergus is being treated like a dog by Satan. He is even forced to keep the floors clean by using his tongue. Meanwhile, Sam and Dean are on the trail of a murderer who is killing professional wrestlers. Supernatural is one of the dumbest shows on television. Nevertheless, I'm an avid fan. The program always makes me laugh.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some filthy atheist. I asked The Savior to restore my wife's health. Things have been going pretty good so far. Her eyes are still bugged-out and her hands continue to tremble, but her moods are much more tranquil. I hope the good times continue.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I had a dream that my chicken house went down the tubes. No customers appeared at the shop. I don't even own a chicken business. I'm just a helpless slave to anxiety.

I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. A popular model was recently killed in Seoul. She died in a traffic accident. Driving on the peninsula is absolute chaos. If I were the king of Korea, I'd take away all the cars and make the citizens ride horses to work.

I turned on CNN. The New York Times wrote a hit-piece about Donald Trump. The story claims that The Donald often objectifies women both at work and during his personal time. He even had the audacity to kiss a Miss Universe contestant on the lips. There's no doubt in my mind that Trump likes the ladies. But I just can't bring myself to vote for an ultra-feminist lesbian who is married to a rapist. Big Don's the lesser of two evils.

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.

Monday, May 16, 2016

Monday

(Keep the perverts out of the women's room.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady cooked chicken fried rice for dinner. She also made a special brand of Daegu-style mandoo. The dumplings were essentially flat and filled with bits of seaweed and noodles. Believe it or not, the meal was very good. I washed the vittles down with several large glasses of Cass. Cass is my favorite brand of Korean beer.

I didn't watch much television. I talked to the Dragon Lady, instead. My wife wants to open a chicken restaurant which will serve beer and soju to the locals. We would also have to deliver the poultry to our potential customers on a motor-scooter. I don't like the idea. There's just too much competition. However, she believes that we'll make a lot of money because I'm white. I want to call our eatery Hitler Chicken. The name will serve to stir up some buzz. I'll keep you updated.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty nihilist. I thanked The Savior for my many blessings. Not too many people in the world get to own a restaurant named Hitler Chicken. This fact alone makes me feel quite special. On top of that, my children are happy and healthy. I'm just thankful that I wasn't born in Chad.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I had a dream that I got caught by Andy Griffith for driving while drunk. Don Knotts was there, too. They put me in jail for several weeks but allowed me to smoke and watch television. I had a great time.

I woke up at 5 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. Three Russians were killed during a brawl in a Moscow cemetery. The men beat each other bloody with metal pipes and wooden bats. Nobody has any idea what they were fighting about. My guess is soccer. Europeans are batshit crazy when it comes to that sport.

I turned on CNN. Obama wants transgender people to use the bathroom of their choice. I'm against this policy. Don't get me wrong. Nobody loves the homos more than me. But the fags, lady-boys, and lezbos are now taking their agenda way too far. This new demand goes well past the boundries of common sense. Americans have accepted the fact that Sodomites walk among us. Must we also be forced to celebrate their deviant life-styles?

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.