Sunday, April 24, 2016

Sunday

Yesterday, I cooked pork for dinner. The meal was wonderful. My eldest son ate every morsel on his plate. I'm a big fan of pig. It's both cheap and delicious. I washed the vittles down with two bottles of Cham soju and a large glass of beer. The experience was marvelous.

I watched CNN. Prince died of a suspected drug overdose. I was never a huge fan of his music. But people say that he was very talented. Supposedly, he was great at playing the guitar. I'm just not into most black music. It's just too funky for this white boy. With that said, I wish Prince a safe journey to the other side. Rest in peace.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty pagan. I asked The Savior to look over the Dragon Lady. She's on a shitload of medication, but she's in the habit of missing a dose or two from time to time. What is it with crazy people and their meds? They just can't grasp the importance of staying sane.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I didn't dream. I woke up at 7 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. A train took a turn too quickly and went off the tracks. One of the engineers was killed and eight others were injured. Death's cold grasp awaits us all. However, I plan to be rescued by Jesus. The rest of you filthy nihilists will be roasting in hell. Serves you right.

I turned on CNN. Once again, Donald Trump displayed his wisdom. He said that the North Carolina bathroom law was a huge mistake. People have been doing their business in public restrooms since Moses parted the Red Sea. It's a losing issue for both sides, so why bring it up? Mr. Trump is truly a wise man.

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Wednesday

(Korean baseball is all about the advertising.)

Yesterday, I made chicken for dinner. I cooked the bird using liberal amounts of salt and grease. It tasted fabulous. Sadly, I had to dine alone. My eldest son had a bout of the runs, and he didn't feel like eating. I washed the vittles down with two bottles of Jinro soju and a large glass of beer. The experience was marvelous. 

I watched the Samsung Lions. The team got their asses kicked yet again. They fell to the Kia Tigers by the score of 7-3. Korean baseball is all about advertising. Every team is sponsored by a huge corporation. But I don't care. The ticket prices are right, and alcohol is permitted in all the stadiums. So why complain?

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some filthy atheist. I thanked The Savior for my many blessings. My marriage might not be the greatest in the world. But at least my sons are healthy. Plus I have enough money to eat beef from time to time. Things could be much worse. I'm just glad that I wasn't born in Honduras.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I had a nightmare. A large group of women wanted to kill me. They saw me hiding in an abandoned house and began dancing and howling like wolves. I ran away like a little girl.

I woke up at 5 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. The hotel industry is exploiting young workers here on the peninsula. The job market's tight, so many fresh go-getters take any gig they can find in order to gain experience. Sadly, they often have to toil for free. The government has vowed to investigate the situation. I'm not holding my breath.

I turned on CNN. Today was the big primary in New York. Trump kicked ass. He won more than 60 percent of the popular vote. He might actually get all of the delegates. However, his ability to hit the magic 1,237 remains in doubt. I still expect Paul Ryan or Mitt Romney to steal the nomination.

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.

Thursday, April 14, 2016

Thursday

(Soju is both cheap and delicious.)

Yesterday, I made chicken for dinner. I cooked the bird using liberal amounts of grease and salt. The meal tasted fantastic. My eldest son raved about my culinary skills. He ate every last morsel on his plate. I washed the bird down with two bottles of Jinro soju and a big glass of beer. The experience was heavenly.

I watched the Samsung Lions. They got their asses kicked by the NC Dinos by the score of 7 to 2. Samsung just doesn't look like the same team this year. They lost their best pitcher to Japan. And, to make matters worse, two of their best hitters flew the coop. But I've decided not to switch teams. Perhaps they'll get better as the year goes on.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty atheist. I asked The Savior to help me with my Dragon Lady problem. My wife's still causing trouble--even though she's on her medication. She's starting to alienate me from my friends. What I really need is for Jesus to strike her down with a bolt of lightning. Poof. No more trouble.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I didn't dream. I woke up at 5 a.m. and drank a cup on instant coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. There was an editorial about Korean men and smoking. The writer believes that many people on the peninsula smoke because of the corporate culture. I gave up cigarettes years ago. I still miss them--especially with a cup of coffee.

I turned on Fox News. The Donald hired another delegate expert. But I fear that Mr. Trump is shit out of luck. I just can't see him getting to 1,237. I'm preparing myself for President Hillary. Yuck. Goldman Sachs wins again. You got to hand it to Wall Street. They're some smart sons-of-bitches.

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.

Friday, April 8, 2016

Friday

(Bill Clinton chastises black protesters.)

Yesterday, I met the Dragon Lady. She made me a chicken sandwich on French bread. I also consumed a pack of potato chips. The meal was pretty good. I washed the vittles down with a can of 7-Up. Later that evening, I drank one bottle of Jinro soju and several large glasses of beer. Talk about living.

I watched the Samsung Lions on my $200 television set.  Samsung defeated the KT Wiz by the score of 3 to 1. I get lost in baseball. The game's so slow that it takes away all of my stress. However, I'm still thinking about changing my allegiance to another team. I'll probably support the NC Dinos in the very near future. I have no time for losers. And the Lions need to get their shit together.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty atheist. I thanked The Savior for my many blessings. My wife and I remain separated. But miracles have been known to happen. She has excellent medical care and certainly seems better behaved these days. I just hope she keeps taking her medicine.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I didn't dream. I woke up at 5 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. The South Korean police recently shut down a large internet pornography site. Porno in the ROK is illegal. I'm not sure if the peninsula is even a democracy--if you want to know the truth. I just smile and keep my mouth shut.

I turned on CNN. Bill Clinton got into a passionate public argument with several Black Lives Matter protesters. He defended his record on crime, saying that black on black murder remains a huge problem. And he's absolutely correct. African-Americans have to start owning up to the fact that they often behave poorly. That's why so many of them end up in prison.

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.

Thursday, April 7, 2016

Thursday

(Roger Stone is playing hardball.)

Yesterday, I made chicken for dinner. I cooked the bird using liberal amounts of salt and grease. The meal was wonderful. My children sang my praises. In fact, they ate every last morsel on their plates. I washed the vittles down with two bottles of Jinro soju and a big glass of Cass beer.

I watched the Samsung Lions on my two hundred dollar flat-screen television set. The Lions defeated the KT Wiz by the score of 11 to 6. Samsung's ace pitcher is back from suspension. However, I wasn't impressed with the victory. The squad will be lucky to finish in third place this year. They don't look strong.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some filthy pagan. I thanked The Savior for all my blessings. My children are healthy and somewhat intelligent. On top of that, my eldest boy doesn't drink or smoke or view pornography. I have no idea what's wrong with that kid. Furthermore, I can occasionally afford to eat meat. Things could be a lot worse. At least I wasn't born in North Korea.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I didn't dream. I woke up at 5 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the newspaper while enjoying a bathroom break. The ROK is angry because American baseball teams pay more for Japanese players as opposed to Korean players. Japan is a thorny subject on the peninsula. Nippon did some pretty raunchy stuff back in the day--including mass murder and sexual slavery.

I turned on CNN. Roger Stone is an outspoken ally of The Donald. He's threatening to release the names and addresses of Republican delegates if they refuse to nominate Mr. Trump. I certainly understand Stone's frustration. I honestly believe that the powers-that-be will find a way to nominate Paul Ryan. But what do I know?

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

Wednesday

(Samsung looks like shit this year.)

Yesterday, I made chicken for dinner. I cooked the bird using liberal amounts of salt and grease. It tasted wonderful. My eldest boy ate every morsel on his plate. I remain the king of poultry. I washed the vittles down with two bottles of Jinro soju and a big glass of Cass beer. The experience was heavenly.

I watched professional baseball. The Samsung Lions travelled to Suwon to play the KT Wiz. The Lions got their asses kicked big time. Samsung looks like shit this year. Two of their best hitters left for greener pastures. Plus their entire pitching staff appears nervous and spooked. I might have to switch my allegiance. I'm a fair-weather fan who has no time for losers.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some filthy nihilist. I thanked The Savior for my many blessings. The Dragon Lady's taking her medicine, and my boys are healthy. Furthermore, I can afford to occasionally eat beef. Things could be much worse. I'm just glad that I wasn't born in Cambodia.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I had another strange dream about public defecation. I laid down a deuce right in the middle of a fancy restaurant. My mother promptly scolded me.

I woke up at 5 a.m. and drank a cup of coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. Waitresses in North Korean eateries are being asked by the government to spy on their customers. Constantly looking over your shoulder must be a pain the ass.

I turned on CNN. Today's the Wisconsin primary. Both Bernie Sanders and Ted Cruz are expected to win. The Donald's royally screwed. He'll never make it to 1,237. But Ted Cruz is screwed, too. I predict that Paul Ryan will be the next Republican nominee.

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.

Monday, March 28, 2016

Monday

(The religion of peace strikes again.)

Yesterday, I took my eldest son to a restaurant. We enjoyed two large pepperoni pizzas. The meal cost $32. I'm not a huge fan of pizza because I hate cheese. I have to scrape it off. But it was Easter, and my kid is tired of chicken. So what's a daddy to do? I washed the vittles down with several large glasses of generic cola. I'm a broke dead dick. Therefore, I can't afford the good stuff.

I watched the latest episode of Vikings. Ragnar leads his men back to France. They terrorize the nation, killing many innocent people. Four French soldiers are burned alive by Floki and his new buddies. They piss on the victims to add insult to injury. Meanwhile, Rollo remains a big-shot in Paris. He's protecting the king against the barbarian onslaught.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some filthy heathen. I thanked The Savior for my many blessings. My children are healthy and reasonably intelligent. Plus we can occasionally afford to eat beef. Things could be a lot worse. I'm just glad that I wasn't born in The Congo.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I had a dream concerning my youngest son Bluce. I thought he was suffering from OCD, so I took him to a hospital. The doctor explained that he was actually afflicted with autism. I couldn't believe my ears.

I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. Koreans who decide to get divorced must go through a mandatory class on child abuse. Dead kids keep turning up all over the peninsula. Therefore, the government's trying to avoid more tragic murders.

I turned on CNN. Sixty-nine Christians were killed in Lahore, Pakistan. The religion of peace struck yet again. Most of the victims were women and children who were at a park celebrating Easter Sunday. Islam is a terrible cancer. These lunatics will be the death of us all.

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.