Thursday, July 30, 2015

Thursday

(Cecil the lion is dead.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady took me to a restaurant.  I consumed fifteen dollars worth of fried chicken and a pitcher of draft beer.  The children complained.  They're getting tired of feasting on poultry day after day.  But they should thank their lucky stars. At least they weren't born in Chad.

I watched Alone.  Only four men are left.  One of the contestants is sailing around the ocean in a canoe.  He uses the boat to collect shellfish.  Sadly, he's suffering from the squirts.  He'll have to drop out pretty soon.  The runs lead can lead to severe dehydration.  And he has no access to medicine.  Diarrhea sucks.  It's actually quite serious.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some dirty pagan.  I thanked Jesus for my wonderful life.  I have two healthy children and access to delicious food.  Plus my humble abode is usually warm and dry.  Everything else is gravy.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 7 a.m. and watched Fox News.  Sarah Palin says that Planned Parenthood kills far more black babies than the Confederate flag.  And she's absolutely right.  Watching doctors haggle over the price of dead baby-parts makes me feel physically ill. But I'm not shocked.  These folks are atheists who have no love in their hearts for humanity. Murdered children are just mere tissue in their eyes.

I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  An American dentist traveled to Zimbabwe for a hunting trip.  He killed a beloved lion named Cecil with his bow and arrow.  He then beheaded the poor beast.  People are angry.  They believe the dentist is a criminal who deserves death.  They forget that God gave humanity dominion over the animals.  Plus no laws were broken.  Final analysis?  Get over it.

Anyway, it's time for the song du jour.  Here's Life Sucks by The Fools.  God bless.

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Tuesday

(I'm going to miss Hannibal.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady took me to a restaurant.  She bought me fifteen dollars worth of fried chicken.  The meal was delicious.  I washed the vittles down with a pitcher of draft beer.  Poultry and suds go together like ketchup and French fries.  The experience was divine.

My eldest son James-uh tried to strong-arm his poor old father.  He demanded that I give him two hours of free-time daily to play his computer games.  I promptly refused.  He then promised to fail all of his classes on purpose to get his revenge.  I hit him several times on the ass with a medium-sized wooden spoon.  Is that child abuse? I have no idea.

I watched the latest episode of Hannibal.  The famous doctor is now languishing in a mental institution.  Meanwhile, Jack wants Will to investigate the serial killer known as The Tooth Fairy.  This sick individual is slaughtering entire families and placing shards of broken glass on his victim's lifeless eyes.  I'm going to miss Hannibal.  It's one of the most disturbing shows on television.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some filthy atheist.  I thanked Jesus for his recent miracle.  Only The Savior has the power to alter my wife's feverish brain.  It's truly a great achievement.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 7 a.m. and turned on Fox News.  Mike Huckabee is in a little bit of hot water.  He implied that Obama's a Nazi for brokering a deal with Iran.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  The president had no choice.  The rest of the globe is giving up on sanctions.  This bargain is the only way to prevent the Muslim loons from acquiring a nuclear weapon.

I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  A woman in Seoul was arrested for strangling her six-year-old son.  The police claim that she's been battling depression for years and was even taking medicine to combat her personal demons.  I guess she just snapped.  Mothers kill their babies all the time.  This world is corrupted to the core by sin.

Anyway, it's time for the song du jour.  Here's In the Court of the Crimson King by King Crimson.  God bless. 

Sunday, July 26, 2015

Sunday

(Greg Gutfeld just isn't funny.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady was actually nice to me.  I was so shocked that I nearly shit right in my hat.  She took me to a local chicken restaurant while the Children of the Rice remained at our humble abode.  My wife called the experience date night.  I drank a pitcher of beer.  Then we went to a couple of bars and had more suds.  We didn't get home until 11 p.m.  I had a great time.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some dirty heathen.  I thanked Jesus for his kindness.  Is it possible that The Savior cured my wife from her myriad of psychic maladies?  Well, I have oodles and oodles of faith in his ability. After all, he did drive seven evil spirits from Mary Magdalene.  So he's certainly up to the task. With God, anything is possible.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 9 a.m. and turned on Fox News.  Greg Gutfeld criticized Donald Trump for making light of John McCain's service.  Greg and his lame-brained panel asserted that Trump has no respect for American soldiers. 

Let's be honest.  Trump only cares about Trump.  But McCain's no better.  Under the current political leadership, veterans are dying off like flies.  The afflicted can't even make an appointment at their own damn hospitals.  So how could The Donald's performance be any worse?  It couldn't.  I'm tired of the status quo. It's time for a change.

I read the paper.  There was a very disturbing story regarding vigilante justice in Bangladesh.  A thirteen-year-old boy was accused of burglary.  A group of grown men tied him to a tree.  Then they beat him to death with their fists. The whole gruesome act was caught on camera.  The poor kid was tortured for thirty minutes before succumbing to his injuries.  These murderers should be thrown off the nearest cliff.

Anyway, it's time for the song du jour.  Here's Garden Party by Ricky Nelson.  God bless.     

Thursday, July 23, 2015

Thursday

(Tut is intriguing.)

Yesterday, I made bacon and eggs for dinner.  The meal was delicious.  I purchased the bacon at Emart.  It fried up all thick and crispy.  My eldest son ate every last morsel.  He was starving.  I washed the vittles down with a large glass of generic cola.  I'm off the beer.  It's time to climb back on the wagon.

I watched Tut.  The action scenes are cheesy and low-rent.  But the dialogue and politics are quite intriguing.  Every character acts according to his or her own self-interest.  There's literally no one who evokes any type of sympathy.  A plague passes through the city. Tut's response?  Burn the victims alive in order to halt the disease. And he's the protagonist!  There's a hard-edge to the show which I very much enjoy.  I'm just glad that I wasn't born in ancient Egypt.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some filthy nihilist.  I asked Jesus for the gift of patience.  I'm going shopping with the Dragon Lady tomorrow in an attempt to rekindle our relationship.  Maybe things can get back to normal.  But I doubt it.  That woman drives me completely insane.  Our marriage will be the death of me. Let's hope I pass quickly.

I went to bed at 11 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 7 a.m and turned on my laptop.  Twenty-nine people in Nigeria we murdered by Muslim nut-jobs.  They were blown to bits after several bombs went off in the city of Gombe.  Islam is an absolute plague upon mankind.  The rag-heads won't be happy until they destroy the human race.

I read the paper later in the day.  A serial-killer in India was recently captured.  He's accused of raping and butchering sixteen children.  I used to be against the death penalty.  But now I'm not so sure.  What else can you do with the criminally demented?  It's a tough issue with no easy answers.

Anyway, it's time for the song du jour.  Here's Civil War by Guns N' Roses.  God bless.        

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Tuesday

(Albinos are being slaughtered in Tanzania.)

Yesterday, I cooked pork and eggs for dinner.  The meal was delicious.  I'm turning into quite an excellent chef.  The meat came from Jeju Island.  Pigs from Jeju actually eat human shit.  No kidding.  But I couldn't tell from the flavor.  I washed the vittles down with a large bottle of plastic beer.  Now that's living.

I watched the latest episode of True Detective.  Colin Farrel beats a psychiatrist half to death with a truncheon.  The doctor finally spills much needed information.  It turns out that he's also a plastic surgeon. He's been giving hookers boob jobs so they can work at high-priced sex parties.  Only special bigwigs get to attend these festivals.  I've never been invited to an orgy.  Not that I would attend.  I look much better with my clothes on.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some dirty heathen.  I asked Jesus for the gift of patience.  The Dragon Lady's getting back today.  And she's often a screaming demon.  I just hope I can take her abuse with grace and a little bit of good humor.  Down deep, she means well.  Besides, I'm too lazy to clean the house myself, and I don't have the money to hire a maid.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m. and turned on my laptop.  There's a popular website called Ashley Madison which is designed for adulterers.  Unfaithful spouses sign up to get matched with other cheaters.  The whole concept is quite disgusting.  The site got hacked.  Now the names of 39 million sinners are out there floating in cyberspace.

I read the paper later in the day.  There was a disturbing story about the African nation of Tanzania.  The witch-doctors are hiring hunters to harvest the organs of albinos.  These satanists believe that light skin contains huge amounts of beneficial magic.  Most of the victims are children and young teenagers.  They're easier targets than full-grown adults. These sorcerers should be burned at the stake without mercy.

Anyway, it's time for the song du jour.  Here's Who Are You by The Who.  God bless.

Monday, July 20, 2015

Monday

(Michael Bisping earns a split decision in Glasgow.)

Yesterday, I prepared beef fried rice for dinner.  The meal was quite good.  I went heavy with the grease and salt.  My eldest son James-uh ate every last morsel. He called me a great cook.  I washed the vittles down with some soju and a plastic bottle of Hite. A good time was had by all.

I watched the UFC.  Michael Bisping fought Thales Leites in Glasgow, Scotland.  My poor old mother's from Glasgow.  No kidding.  The fight was very evenly matched.  Bisping hit the Brazilian several times with heavy right hands.  

Meanwhile, Leites countered by savagely kicking his opponent on his lead leg throughout the match--sapping the Englishman's strength.  By the fifth round, Bisping was exhausted.  Yet the judges awarded Michael the split decision. I thought Leites won. But who died and made me boss?

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some filthy pagan.  I thanked Jesus for the past two weeks of peace and beer.  It's wonderful to have a break from that wicked witch I call a wife.  All glory goes to The Savior.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m. and turned on my laptop.  Donald Trump is sticking to his guns.  He will not apologize for his insensitive comments toward John McCain. In fact, he insulted the Arizona senator one more time by calling him a failed politician.  The Lord definitely broke the mold when he created Donald.  And I'd be offended by his bad behavior if McCain wasn't such a Wall Street ass-licker.  Final analysis?  Screw John and the horse he rode in on.

I read the paper later in the day.  Obama recently praised the South Korean educational system.  He said that Korean teachers make more than doctors.  This is completely untrue.  Furthermore, most students on the peninsula use school as a place to sleep.  They get their real education privately at academies.  And their parents pay a fortune.  The president is grossly misinformed.  Run from the Asian model of learning as fast as you can.  

Anyway, it's time for the song du jour.  Here's Welcome to the Machine by Pink Floyd.  God bless. 

Sunday, July 19, 2015

Sunday

(Hannibal gets canceled by NBC.)

Yesterday, I prepared beef for dinner.  There were no side dishes. Just meat.  But my eldest son didn't complain.  He cleaned his plate with a smile on his face and a song in his heart.  He's a chip off the old block.  I washed the vittles down with some soju and a plastic bottle of Hite.  I'm a lucky man.  Things could be much worse.  At least I wasn't born in Chad.

I watched Hannibal.  Margo kills Mason by sticking an eel down his throat.  Dr. Bloom's now officially a lesbo.  And, for the coup de gras, Hannibal surrenders to Jack Crawford after saving Will Graham's life.  I was disappointed in NBC's cancellation of the series.  However, now I understand the network's motivation.  The protagonist's in a prison cell.  Where can the show go from here?

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some dirty misanthrope.  I thanked Jesus for giving James-uh a strong mind.  Don't get me wrong.  He's definitely not Harvard material.  

Nevertheless, the boy's a lot smarter than his old man.  The kid aced his Algebra final, and he's only in the 8th grade. He has a bright future. I'd like to see him become a evangelical pastor. Then he could declare the damnation of all pagans and homosexuals during his future fiery sermons. But the choice is his. And I'm not about to twist the his arm.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I had a strange dream.  I was at an Italian restaurant with three complete strangers.  Yet I couldn't eat anything on the menu.  Every dish was made with cheese.  And I detest most dairy products.  I felt deeply ashamed of myself.  I ordered pizza with sauce.  All the patrons stared at me.

I woke up at 9 a.m.  I turned on my laptop.  Donald Trump declared that John McCain isn't a war hero.  Trump really has to watch his rhetoric if he wants to be taken seriously.  It was a dumb comment. McCain spent five years being tortured in a Vietnamese prison while The Donald was excused from duty on a medical deferment. Nonetheless, I'm no fan of the Arizona senator.  He just another Wall Street kiss-ass.  

I read the paper later in the day.  A man was convicted of sexually assaulting his sister-in-law.  He claimed that he was so drunk that he thought she was his wife.  The jury didn't buy his excuse.  He was sentenced to three years in prison.  But the punishment will be suspended for five years if he behaves himself.

Anyway, it's time for the song du jour.  Here's Point of No Return by Kansas.  God bless.