Thursday, July 31, 2014

Thursday

(Chae Tae-in plays first-base for the Samsung Lions.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady went to Homeplus.  She brought a large pepperoni pizza back to our humble abode.  It cost ten dollars and came in a cardboard box.  The meal was delicious.  I love junk food.  I washed the vittles down with several large glasses of generic cola.  Unfortunately, off-brands are all I can afford.  Poor old Smith is a broke dead dick.

I watched the Samsung Lions on the tube.  They hosted the LG Twins in the city of Daegu.  Samsung won the game 9 to 8.  The hero of the contest was Chae Tae-in.  He drove in the winning run in the bottom of the ninth inning.  Mr. Chae makes $300,000 a year. That's not chump-change.  I wish I was good at sports.  If I had money, I'd treat myself to quality toilet paper.  The chaffing is killing me.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I refuse to babble like some mindless pagan.  I asked Jesus to grant me patience.  My eldest son James-uh is driving me nuts.  He's currently on summer vacation. That indolent China man needs to get his fat ass back to school before his daddy strangles him.

I went to bed at midnight.  I had a dream concerning algebra. James-uh brought home a difficult assignment.  But the equations were too complicated for me to handle.  I offered to send him to a math academy.  However, the boy went nuts.  He cried hysterically and called me vulgar names.

I woke up at six a.m. and drank several cups of coffee.  Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  An exchange student from China was murdered in California.  He was beaten to death by four Hispanic teenagers.  Sadly, this is a fallen world filled with vicious wolves. We must always remain vigilant.

I turned on Fox News.  ISIS is now in the business of murdering Iraqi Christians.  Nevertheless, rescuing the world from evil-doers isn't America's responsibility.  Moderate Muslims--if they actually exist--need to start confronting their crazy Islamic cousins.  Nothing will change till these knuckle-draggers start mending their evil ways.

Anyway, it's time for the song du jour.  Here's Hell Hole by Spinal Tap.  God bless.   

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Wednesday

(Lee Seung-yeop is Samsung's best hitter.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady served beef and French fries for dinner.  The meal was good.  I dipped the fries into A-1 Steak Sauce.  They tasted nice and tangy.  I adore starch--especially when saturated with salt.  I washed my vittles down with several glasses of Homeplus Cola.  Carbonated beverages bring me joy. The experience was heavenly.

I watched the Samsung Lions on the tube.  They hosted the LG Twins in the city of Daegu.  The Lions lost the game by one run. The final score was 7-6.  They had many chances to win.  In fact, the squad left a man on third in the bottom of the ninth.  Samsung's best hitter is Lee Seung-yeop.  Mr. Lee makes $800,000 a year. There's money in sports.  I wish I could hit a curve ball.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some filthy nihilist.  I asked Jesus to use his infinite power to heal my crazy wife.  Her demons have demons.  She hates dogs.  She screams at the children over their math grades.  And she frequently tortures her wonderful husband with the intention of sending him to an early grave.  The Dragon Lady is a deeply disturbed woman.

I went to bed at midnight.  I had a dream involving Marlon Brando. His girlfriend was yelling at him.  He told her that he had killed his former lover.  He went on to say that he would have zero problem killing her, too.  Brando claimed to be an expert in making murder look like accidental death.  She changed her tune, suddenly becoming very polite.

I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank several cups of coffee.  Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  A sixteen-year-old student in Japan decapitated one of her classmates.  She also cut off the victims left hand.  She said she did it for the sake of science.

I turned on Fox News.  Jesse Ventura won his court case against fallen navy sniper Chris Kyle.  The jury awarded the former wrestler 1.8 million dollars.  Bill O'Reilly can't believe the verdict. He called the decision absurd.  Bill's very entertaining.  However, he's often full of shit.  He claims that Ventura is stealing food from the plate of Kyle's family.  The truth? Insurance will pick up the tab.

Anyway, it's time for the song du jour.  Here's Moving in Stereo by The Cars.  God bless.  

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Tuesday

(Chris Oxspring pitches for the Lotte Giants.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady served beef and rice for dinner.  The meal wasn't her best effort.  I'm not overly fond of rice.  My wife is well aware of this fact.  That's why she serves it to me each and every night.  But I didn't complain.  I just smiled and ate my vittles like a true champion.  I'm wonderful that way.

I watched Korean baseball on the tube.  I'm a big fan.  The Lotte Giants played the LG Twins.  The starting pitcher for the Giants was a white man.  His name is Chris Oxspring.  He's an Australian who makes $280,000 a year.  There's money in sports.  I wish I could throw a curve ball.  Chris pitched six strong innings. Unfortunately, he ran out of steam.  The Giants lost 5-3.

I paid homage to Christ.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise.  I refuse to babble like some godless pagan.  I asked Jesus for the continued good health of my family.  I also asked for Israel's future success in slaughtering the Muslim horde. Heed my words.  If militant Islam goes unchecked, it will one day be the death of us all.

I went to bed at midnight.  I had a dream about fishing in a sparkling lake.  The water felt great on my legs. I used to be an avid sportsman back in the day.  Now I spend most of my leisure time sitting on my fat ass.  However, I do walk to church and back on Sundays.  That comes to ten miles.

I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank several cups of coffee.  Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  Ryu  Hyun-jin is having a great year for the Los Angeles Dodgers.  He just picked up his twelfth victory of the season.  Twenty wins will make him a true god of the arena.  He's got the talent to do it.  I have faith in the fat man.

I turned on Fox News.  Bill O'Reilly wants to send more people to jail.  In fact, he believes anybody who gets apprehended selling marijuana should face a harsh prison sentence.  The United States incarcerates more humans than China and Russia combined.  So where are we going to put all these criminals?  Perhaps we could shove them up Bill's cornhole.

Anyway, it's time for the song du jour.  Here's Epitaph by King Crimson.  God bless.

Monday, July 28, 2014

Monday

(Eric Hacker of the NC Dinos got spanked by Samsung.)

Yesterday, I walked five miles to church.  No big deal.  I need the exercise.  I'm getting older and my body's slowing down. Therefore, I try to keep in shape to the best of my limited abilities. I must live for another twenty years so that my boys can have a decent start in life. Then the good Lord is free to inflict me with deadly ass cancer for all I care.

Church was the same-old same-old.  As usual, we sang far too many hymns. Our praise team is filled with tons of pride, and they often refuse to put down their guitars.  Unfortunately, we're required to stand during the music.  My tootsies were on fire.  

The guest speaker pissed me off.  She was a liberal feminist who attempted to rewrite Paul's epistles.  According to her, the apostle actually believed that women have the right to burn their bras and that gays should be free to practice their alternative lifestyle while remaining in the bosom of Christ's church.

Listen.  I'm not a hard-ass.  And it's perfectly OK to disagree with Paul.  Nevertheless, I get offended when progressives try to change the meaning of his words in order to mold his ideas into their own personal paradigm.  Saint Paul wasn't a feminist.  Nor did he have a pro-homosexual agenda. Just deal with it.

I took my family for pizza.  The meal was quite good. Unfortunately, my wife and James-uh argued like cats and dogs about his future.  Two of the men who attend our congregation are muscular United States Marines.  She wants her son to be as tough as them.  Plus she wants him to be as brilliant as Stephen Hawking. Having an Asian mother isn't for pussies.

We returned to our humble abode at six p.m.  I watched Korean baseball on the tube.  My favorite team is the Samsung Lions. They defeated the NC Dinos by the score of 3-1.  One of the pitchers for the Dinos is an American named Eric Hacker.  He makes $300,000 dollars a year--as do most of the foreign players.  

During the contest, Eric had a minor meltdown.  He ripped a towel in half while pouting in the dugout.  The Dragon Lady went crazy. She said his actions were very impolite.  My wife is also a Lions fan.  Her words made me laugh.  On the peninsula, it's perfectly acceptable to endlessly needle and harass your children.  Yet ripping a cloth into shreds during the heated emotions of a ball game is strictly prohibited.  What a joke.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some filthy nihilist.  I asked Jesus to repair the relationship between my eldest son and his mother.  Yeah.  Good luck with that.  I'm a faithful man.  But I shan't hold my breath for fear of turning blue and dying.

I went to bed at midnight.  I had a dream concerning my childhood. I was on a crowded school bus with a ton of other children. The driver kept passing my stop.  I began to cry, and the kids all laughed at me.  I desperately longed to see my mother again.

I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank several cups of coffee.  Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  The Ebola virus is now killing people in Nigeria.  Scientists believe the contagion to be airborne.  There are fears that air travel will spread the disease across the globe.  Great.  More glad tidings.

I turned on Fox News.  Megan Kelly interviewed William Ayers. Dr. Ayers used to be a member of the Weather Underground.  He blew up several buildings during the 60's and destroyed millions of dollars worth of property.  Now he teaches at the University of Illinois.  Go figure.

Anyway, it's time for the song du jour.  Here's What If by Creed. God bless.

Saturday, July 26, 2014

Saturday

(Korean baseball is a hoot.)

Yesterday, we didn't have a conventional dinner.  Instead, I took my family to a professional baseball game.  We ate fried chicken and Dunkin' Donuts at the stadium.  The game was filled with many home runs.  Korea boasts first-rate baseball.  Their professional league is very competitive.  It's right up there with Japan in terms of quality.

We returned to our humble abode at 11 p.m.  I watched several episodes of The Tudors.  Lord Surrey's causing trouble at court. He believes King Henry lacks the proper respect for the English nobility. Surrey refers to commoners of high-standing as devious wolves while he is nothing short of a regal lion.  He'll eventually get his head chopped off. And rightly so.  Talented writers deserve a glorious death. It's one of the perks that comes with the job.  His poetry is marvelous. You can find it online or at your local library. The man was an absolute master of language. 

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some dirty atheist.  I asked Jesus to help my plump disinterested eldest son.  The kid hates sports.  He refuses to study.  The only thing he wants to do is play computer games all day long.  He's turning into a fat lazy China man.

I went to bed at 2 a.m.  I had a dream about driving through the housing projects of New Orleans with my mother.  She kept yelling at a rather large black man.  Furthermore, her language was nothing short of atrocious.  She used the word fuck on several occasions.  I thought the guy was going to beat me up.  Mom accused me of being a pussy.

I woke up at 9 a.m. and drank several cups of coffee.  Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  A teen in China was a victim of bullying.  A group of girls attached a dog collar to her neck and led her through school with a leash.  Police are investigating.  My question?  Where were all the teachers? Taking a smoke break?  I just don't get it.

I turned on Fox News.  Children are dying in Palestine. I feel truly sorry for the innocent civilians.  Nevertheless, Israel has the right to protect its interests.  And they don't need John Kerry's permission to grease crazy Muslims.  Hamas is comprised of low-down, knuckle-dragging terrorists.  The world would be better off without them.

Anyway, it's time for the song du jour.  Here's Rusty Cage by Johnny Cash.  God bless.

Friday, July 25, 2014

Friday

(Rand Paul will never be president in 2016.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady made ginseng chicken for dinner.  I was quite pleased.  Usually, she just throws me scraps of meat as if I were the family dog.  I washed the vittles down with genuine Coke.  Talk about a treat.  For the most part, I'm only allowed to drink generic cola.  Her psychiatrist must be feeding her wonderful drugs.  Kudos to modern medicine.

I downloaded a show called Strain.  It's a series concerning vampires. The leading monster spreads his affliction like a virus. I'm not too crazy about the program.  I prefer my vampires to be aristocratic serial killers with heaps and heaps of sexual problems. Writers who break the traditional mold are clearly sacrilegious. They should all be cornholed and shot at the break of dawn.  So let it be written, so let it be done.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some filthy nihilist.  I went to sleep at 10 p.m. and had another nightmare.  I was back in high school, and I couldn't find my homework.  Later, I walked to the school's basement and ate some foul-tasting cherry pie.

I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank several cups of coffee.  Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  Manchester United drubbed the Los Angeles Galaxy 7-0 in a friendly soccer match. Wayne Rooney scored two goals.  I'm an American, so I don't know much about European football.  But I enjoy going to a game from time to time.

I turned on Fox News.  Bill O'Reilly thinks that Rand Paul's isolationist views on foreign policy will hurt his chances for president.  The republicans are doomed in 2016 no matter who gets the nomination.  The party is just too mean-spirited for the people. They place capital above Jesus Christ.  They frequently demonize the poor. They treat minorities and homosexuals in a most discourteous fashion.  And they even bully children coming to America for a better life.  The republicans have no heart.

Anyway, it's time for the song du jour.  Here's Forever in Blue Jeans by Neil Diamond.  God bless.     

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Thursday

(Sir Thomas Moore was certainly a man's man.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady made beef and French fries for dinner. The meal wasn't her best effort.  I've never cared for rice--which is a big problem since I live in Asia.  But I didn't complain.  I just smiled and ate my vittles like an angel.  I'm wonderful that way.

I have a television package from Qook TV.  It gives me access to thousands of movies for a reasonable price.  I continued watching The Tudors.  Sir Thomas Moore is finally beheaded by King Henry. He gives a stirring speech while standing bravely on the scaffold. Thomas must have been quite the man.  Poor old Smith would've shit his pants.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I refuse to babble like a pagan.  I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.

I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank several cups of coffee.  Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  An exchange student wrote an editorial condemning the Korean drinking culture.  She finds the amount of public intoxication here on the peninsula to be downright disturbing.  She's got a point.  The ROK certainly has its fair share of drunkards.  In fact, I used to be one of them. Thankfully, I climbed on the wagon.

I turned on Fox News.  Planned Parenthood is in hot water.  An adult woman posing as a fifteen-year-old girl got some shocking advice from one of the staff nurses.  The child was given a frank tutorial on kinky sex--including bondage and submission.  Humans love getting off.  We even wear masks and brandish whips and chains.  Go figure.

Anyway, it's time for the song du jour.  Here's Mother by Pink Floyd. God bless.