Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Korean Police Officer Arrested for Public Masturbation

(Van Jones is a little bitch.)

Yesterday, I went to a noodle shop for dinner. I had to walk there. Walking in Taipei is scary shit. The streets are overrun with aggressive Chinamen on motorbikes. But I made it to the restaurant safely. The meal was pretty damn good. The noodles were served in a thick beef broth. Plus the soup was loaded with tons of meat. A good time was had by all.

I went home and read a book called Stormbird. The author is a guy named Conn Iggulden. He writes lots of historical fiction. Stormbird is about the War of the Roses. I love historical fiction because I'm big into escapism. I often enjoy pretending that I'm a powerful duke who oppresses the local peasants. When they get out of line, I have them beheaded with a wave of my hand. After that, I return to my castle and eat cake.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty atheist. I thanked The Savior for his many gifts. For instance, not a lot of people get to see Taipei. This is a unique Asian metropolis filled with lots of good food and tasty alcohol. In fact, I would urge all of my readers to go out and buy a bottle of Taiwan Beer. It's wonderful. Things could always be worse. At least I'm not back in America facing eight years of a Clinton presidency. Piss on that.

I went to bed at 11 p.m. I didn't dream. I woke up at 9 p.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I surfed the internet while enjoying a bathroom break. A Korean policeman was arrested for masturbating in public during a bus ride. Recently, a Korean baseball player was arrested on the same charge. I hope this isn't a trend. The officer admitted his guilt. However, he says his memory is foggy because he drank a lot of soju that night.

I turned on CNN. The Democratic National Convention is now in full swing. Michelle Obama delivered a speech saying that she'd trust her children to live in a village run by Hillary Clinton. What a crock of shit. Hillary's a criminal who's married to a rapist. I wouldn't let her help my kids to cross the street. But the liberals love Michelle. Van Jones was moved to tears. He's such a little misty-eyed bitch.

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.

Monday, July 25, 2016

Debbie Wasserman Schultz Screws Bernie in His Elderly Ass

(Debbie Wasserman Schultz is now working directly for Hillary.)

Yesterday, I took my family to a place called Ximending. We went to a restaurant famous for the hot pot. Beef and seafood are boiled in spicy broth right before your eyes. I ate a lot of shrimp and scallops. I washed the vittles down with several glasses of Taiwan Beer. We stayed in the eatery for nearly three hours. Then a waitress timidly told us to leave. We had worn out our welcome. Oh well. The good times can't last forever.

The Dragon Lady went shopping for clothes. She bought me several t-shirts which promote Taiwan. Each piece of clothing came to five dollars. Not bad. It's tough to find stuff in my size. I'm a husky young lad. I currently weigh more than 240 pounds. I'll probably die soon. My blood is nothing but bacon grease, and I piss pure alcohol. But I've already given up the tobacco. Soon I'll have nothing left. So what's a boy to do?

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty pagan. I asked The Savior to protect me from the Dragon Lady. I've been experiencing some chaffing in my private regions due to the heat. My wife decided to cure the problem by rubbing Bengay all over my testicles. She meant well, but the burning was beyond belief. And the pain lasted for more than twenty minutes. I even thought about going to the emergency room. Luckily, I feel fine today.

I went to bed at 11 p.m. I had a dream that I was back in high school protecting my friends from militant Muslims. I killed several with a pistol. After that, I expressed my guilt to several bikers whom I had never met. They told me to fuck off.

I woke up at 9 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I surfed the internet while enjoying a bathroom break. Many Koreans are upset about THAAD. It's a missile system designed to protect the peninsula from its belligerent northern neighbor. Nobody wants it in their backyard. Still, better safe than sorry. THAAD, in my opinion, is a necessary evil. But what do I know?

I turned on CNN. The DNC screwed Bernie Sanders up the ass...yet again. They thought about painting him as an atheist to help Hillary win the nomination. Debbie Wasserman Schultz has been forced to resign over the hub-bub. However, Hillary gave her crony another job working directly for the campaign. Hillary manages to corrupt everything she touches. That old lesbian one evil bitch.

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.

Sunday, July 24, 2016

Into the Heart of Darkness

(The Taipei 101 building.)

Yesterday, we arrived in Taiwan in the late afternoon. My brother-in-law met us at the airport. The heat was sweltering. He took us to the 101 building in his brand new Toyota. We ate some food which was absolutely delicious. I'm not sure of the name of the stuff that was brought to the table, but it was heavy with pork and shrimp. I washed the vittles down with two giant bottles of Taiwan Beer. A good time was had by all.

We drove to the infamous night market. The road was littered with Chinese men and women on mopeds. They swerved in and out of traffic like a bunch of lunatics. I nearly shit my pants. The night market was sheer hell. The streets were loaded with so many people that I could barely move. I even had a difficult time breathing. No kidding. Some asshole threw an elbow at my eldest child. He's lucky I didn't see him. I'd have kneed him right in the balls.



We returned to my brother-in-law's apartment. He's a dirty pagan. Nevertheless, I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some filthy atheist. I thanked The Savior for my many blessings. I'm not handsome or brilliant. But I can still navigate my way through this world without starving to death. Plus I get to eat meat from time to time. Things could always be much worse. I'm just glad my brother-in-law can afford air-conditioning. It's like an oven outside.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I didn't dream. I woke up at 10 a.m. and drank a cup of coffee. Then I surfed the internet while enjoying a bathroom break. A Korean man hanged himself at the Manila airport. He was wanted by the powers-that-be for fraud. He decided death was better than jail. I don't understand his actions. Korean prisons aren't that bad. People don't get raped, and they let you smoke. In fact, prison on the peninsula is a nice place to make new friends. His final action was much too drastic.

I turned on CNN. Hillary chose Tim Caine as her running mate. This selection is a real head-scratcher. Caine's just another friend of the big banks, and he does nothing to excite the liberal base of the party. Bernie must be shitting in his pants right now. The democratic movers-and-shakers have ass-raped him since he threw his hat in the ring. That old bastard can't buy a break.

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now and God bless everybody.

Friday, July 22, 2016

Van Jones Is a Communist

(I'd like to piss on Van Jones's mailbox.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady spent the day looking for plane tickets. So I had to cook for myself. I prepared eggs, hash-browns, and fried bread for dinner. The meal was absolutely delicious. My culinary skills are formidable. Perhaps I'm half-a-fag. I washed the vittles down with several large glasses of Cass. A good time was had by all.

I read Gary J. Byrne's Crisis of Character. It's a book by a former secret service agent detailing his life with Bill and Hillary Clinton. It's pretty much what one would expect. The White House was filled with disrespectful hippies who were careless with classified material; the gays were hanging rainbow stickers on all of the doors; and, for the coup de grace, Hillary was a heartless bitch who treated everybody like shit. Ho hum. Tell me something I don't know.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty pagan. I asked The Savior to protect my crazy wife. She's currently scrambling to renew my eldest son's Korean passport. It looks like we'll be flying to Taiwan on Saturday. But who knows? Things have a tendency to go wrong. I just hope they serve free booze on the airplane. I haven't had a glass of Scotch in over seven years.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I dreamt about driving my Santa Fe in Seoul. I kept saying the word fuck over and over again. The traffic was murder.

I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. The Korean Constitutional Court has determined that the recent smoking ban in restaurants is fine and dandy. I gave up tobacco years ago, so I have no dog in this fight. But I miss the good old days. The government used to leave the citizens alone. Now they are constantly in our business. Oh well. What's a boy to do?

I watched the final day of the Republican National Convention. I thought Donald Trump delivered a masterful speech. He hit upon all the major points that are eating away at America's greatness. Our jobs have been shipped overseas. Our brothers and sisters are being targeted by terrorists. And the special interests own our politicians. However, the liberals on CNN are calling The Donald a fascist. The worst offender is Van Jones. I'd like to piss on his mailbox. Fucking communist.

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.  

Thursday, July 21, 2016

Ted Cruz Is Still a Dick

(Ted Cruz is truly a prick.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady served chicken and French fries for dinner. The poultry was covered in a yellowish hot-sauce. It burned a hole through my tongue. Nevertheless, the meal was quite delicious. I ate every last morsel on my plate. I washed the vittles down with several large glasses of Cass. Cass is my favorite beer on the peninsula.

I watched several episodes of Outlander. The setting for the second season is 18th century France. Maybe I'm half-a-fag, but I love this show. The relationship between Claire and Jamie seems genuinely passionate. Moreover, Black Jack Randall is one of the best antagonists on television. He's twisted and evil. Yet he sees himself as some type of downtrodden hero deserving of pity. Even though the show is written for women, there's enough sex and violence to keep most men interested. Give it a try.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty misanthrope. I asked The Savior to protect my crazy wife. We were supposed to fly to Taiwan, but she brought the wrong passports. The powers-that-be wanted the wanted the children's South Korean passports. We only had the American. Subsequently, we were turned away. She's now scrambling to get a refund.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I had another dream about defecating in public at Burger King. I dropped a steamer right in the dining area. The customers were horrified.

I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. There was an editorial supporting Black Lives Matter. The writer believes that African-Americans are singled out and hunted like animals because of the color of their skin. I don't buy any of that bullshit. Young black men are out of control and commit way too many crimes. Therefore, they are targeted by the police. For instance, you never see the cops hassling the Chinese. But what do I know?

I turned on CNN. The Republican National Convention is in full swing. And once again Ted Cruz showed the entire world that he's a complete asshole. He accepted Trump's invitation to speak and proceeded to throw The Donald under the bus in front of a global audience. Talk about a low-class douchebag.

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody. 

Saturday, July 16, 2016

Retarded Korean Man Held in Slavery for Twenty Years

(This is a world filled with true demonic evil.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady prepared bacon sandwiches for dinner. The meal was excellent. Bacon is expensive here on the peninsula. Most of the locals don't eat it. Koreans prefer fat-back pork. I washed the vittles down with several large glasses of Cass. Cass is my favorite brand of domestic beer.

I watched another episode of Orange Is the New Black. One of the cute Latina inmates is forced to eat a baby mouse by a sadistic prison guard. He holds a gun to her head and threatens to blow her brains out. Meanwhile, the corpse of Voss's attempted assassin is unearthed in the vegetable garden. Orange Is the New Black comes with my highest recommendation. It's a great show.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some filthy pagan. I asked The Savior to protect my family. Soon, we'll be flying to Taiwan. Airplanes make me nervous. They tend to crash. Oh well. My fate is in the hands of the Almighty. So what's a boy to do? I'll just have to grin and bear it.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I didn't dream. I woke up at 7 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. A retarded Korean man was held in slavery for twenty years. He was forced to work on a farm for no pay. He was given a dirty hut to sleep in and a little bit of food to keep him from starving to death. This is a sorry world filled with evil men and women. Be careful.

I turned on CNN. France was hit by another terrorist attack. A crazy rag-head from Tunisia killed 84 people with a large truck. He used the rig to run most of his victims over. But he did manage to shoot a few with a small caliber pistol. I've been saying it since I began writing this shitty blog. Muslims are knuckle-dragging Neanderthals who will end up killing us all. Take Trump's advice. Keep them out of America.

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.

Thursday, July 14, 2016

Korean Baseball Player Suspended for Public Masturbation

(The Donald seems to like Mike Pence.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady prepared chicken for dinner. The meat was skewered on a long wooden stick. I enjoyed the meal quite a bit. However, my wife's in love with spice. Everything she makes burns a hole through my tongue. I washed the vittles down with several large glasses of Cass. Cass in my favorite Korean beer.

I watched the Samsung Lions. They were beaten 13-12 by the Lotte Giants. The Lions were very successful last year. However,they're now in last place. But I've got a sneaky suspicion that the team is going to make a comeback. The squad can qualify for the playoffs if they finish in fifth place. After that, anything can happen.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some filthy nihilist. I asked The Savior to protect my wife. Soon, I'm flying to Taiwan with my entire family. I just hope she doesn't turn into a shrieking beast. We'll be staying in the city of Taipei. I plan to drink lots of beer and eat lots of food.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I didn't dream. I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. A Korean baseball player drove to a college and found himself entranced by the beauty of a female student. He whipped out his Johnson and proceeded to masturbate as he watched her. The young woman reported him to the police. He's been suspended from baseball for a period of one year.

I turned on CNN. Donald Trump is about to pick his running mate. My money's on Indiana's Mike Pence. The governor is as clean as they come. Plus the evangelicals love him. Gingrich and Christie have too much baggage. They'd be a drag on the campaign. But what do I know? One thing is true about The Donald. He marches to the beat of his own drum.

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.