Friday, July 3, 2015

Friday

(Alone is very entertaining.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady went to Dunkin' Donuts.  Even though my wife's a loon, I'm the one who calls the shots.  Thursday is donut night, and there isn't a damn thing she can do about it.  She brought home several delicious pastries in a large cardboard box.  I ate them while drinking a plastic bottle of generic cola.  The experience was heavenly.

I watched the latest episode of Alone.  What can I tell you?  I love survival shows.  Ten men are taken to Vancouver Island and dropped off in the forest.  The one who stays the longest wins $500,000.  They frequently get harrassed by bears and wolves.  So far, two men have dropped out of the contest.  They both cried like a couple of forlorn women.  But I would've done the same thing.  Woodland creatures give me the willies.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some dirty pagan.  Once again, I asked Jesus to spare my mother from cancer.  We still haven't gotten any news about her biopsy.  It looks as if we won't get the results until after the long weekend.  I guess her pathologist is too busy setting up his 4th of July barbecue grill to get any work done.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m. and turned on Fox News.  The Five discussed ISIS.  The terror group has allegedly executed seventy-three children for crimes against Islam.  Supposedly, three youngsters were recently crucified for eating during Ramadan.  I have zero affection for militant rag-heads.  Nevertheless, I always take these vile facts with a grain of salt.  There were reports during the first Iraq War of babies being thrown from incubators.  It turned out that the rumors were bullshit.

I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  The Chinese are getting taller.  It seems that better nutrition is making them grow by leaps and bounds.  Sadly, they're also getting fatter.  Ten percent of the population is considered obese.  Soon, they'll be fat and miserable just like their American brothers and sisters.

Anyway, it's time for the song du jour.  Here's The Gambler by Kenny Rogers.  God bless.

Thursday, July 2, 2015

Thursday

(Zoo is kind of stupid.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady made beef and rice for dinner.  Her effort wasn't very impressive.  Who knows?  Maybe I'm at fault.  I'm just sick and tired of looking at rice.  But I didn't complain.  I smiled and ate my vittles with a song in my heart and a smile on my lips.  I'm wonderful that way.  The birds are always singing at my humble abode.

I watched a new series called Zoo.  Mankind manages to piss off all the animals, and now our four-legged friends are yearning for murderous revenge.  In the first episode, angry lions kill over a dozen unsuspecting humans with their ferocious teeth and claws.  The premise of the show is pretty stupid.  Nevertheless, stupid can work if the characters are interesting.  For instance, Supernatural's an entertaining yet retarded drama.  Can Zoo pull off that same type of magic?  Only time will tell.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some filthy nihilist.  I asked Jesus to help my mother through her recent cancer scare.  The results from the pathologist are supposed to come tomorrow afternoon.  I hope the doctor doesn't make her wait too long.  My anus is puckering with fear and anxiety.  I need to know one way or the other.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m. and turned on Fox News.  The Five discussed Ben Affleck.  Ben recently divorced his wife.  She's in showbiz, too.  I love watching movies and television.  But I don't know much about the actors.  I have zero interest in their lives.  I've got my own problems to deal with.

I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  A man from Pusan got very high on crank.  Then he broke into a female shower room.  The frightened ladies called the police.  After being subdued, he told the cops that he was hiding from men who were trying to kill him.  I've never tried narcotics.  But I've had some wild nights toasted on alcohol.  All drugs suck ass.  No shit.

Anyway, it's time for the song du jour.  Here's Like a Rock by Bob Seger.  God bless.

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Wednesday

(True Detective is a wild ride.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady made pork and rice for dinner. The meal was quite good.  My family eats a lot of pig.  It's both cheap and delicious.  I washed the vittles down with several glasses of generic cola.  All that sugar sent me to the moon.  I'm very thankful for my good fortune.  I could have been born in Chad.

I watched the latest episode of True Detective.  I'm not sure where this show is going.  It's tone is extremely dour, dark, and moody. Vince Vaughn gets all his money stolen by a former employee.  This thief is savagely tortured by having his eyes removed with acid and his penis shot off with a rifle.  Colin Farrel--who appears to be the protagonist--is then abruptly murdered by a psycho in a bird costume.  Nevertheless, I'm there till the bitter end.  Gruesome horror tales thrill me to the bone.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some filthy misanthrope.  I asked Jesus for the strength to overcome temptation.  I've been doing a lot of research on narcissism.  And I want to use this newly found knowledge to torture my loony wife.  Narcissists seem to hate silence, yes and no answers, and thinly veiled insults.  I plan employ these tactics against the Dragon Lady.  I'm tired of dancing to her tune.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m. and turned on Fox News.  Chris Christie's running for president.  Big deal.  That fat rude Yankee has zero chance of garnering the republican nomination.  He better stick to what he does best:  bullying the weak and eating donuts.

I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  The Korean baseball league makes good money.  But attendance is way down this year because of the recent MERS outbreak.  The teams are losing tons of cash.  On the bright side, nobody has died in the last few days.  So things might get back to normal.

Anyway, it's time for the song du jour.  Here's All These Things That I Have Done by The Killers.  God bless.

Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Tuesday

(Peter Pan wins the day.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady made pork and rice for dinner.  The meat was covered in a thick spicy red sauce.  I didn't care for the flavor.  All that heat burned a hole right through my tongue.  Then I had a nasty case of the runs.  But I didn't complain.  I just smiled and ate my vittles like a dull country bumpkin.  I'm wonderful that way.  The sun's always shining at my humble abode.

I watched the UFC.  The main bout featured Lyoto Machida vs. Yoel Romero.  The first two rounds were very competitive.  Then Yoel threw Machida to the ground and knocked the Brazilian unconscious with his elbows.  After that, the victor--whose English is barely passable--went into an unintelligible rant on the subject of gay marriage.  I'm not sure if he's for or against the Supreme Court's decision.  But it was very entertaining, nonetheless.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some dirty atheist.  I asked Jesus to give me the strength to keep my sanity.  The Dragon Lady definitely suffers from a Class B personality disorder.  I used to think that she was borderline.  However, I'm leaning in the direction of narcissism these days. 

What changed my mind?  Both conditions center around uncontrollable rage.  But my wife has never apologized for any of her outrageous deeds in all the years I've known her.  And trust me.  She's guilty of some real atrocities.  Talk about an ego.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m. and turned on Fox News.  The Five discussed gay marriage in America.  Eric Bolling believes the republicans should avoid the issue whenever possible.  It's definitely a loser in today's climate.  The battle's over, and Peter Pan has won the day.  Who would have guessed it? 

On a personal note...I really hold a great deal of respect for the homosexual community.  Those fags, lezbos, and lady-boys have been causing a ruckus since Abraham's time.  Yet they keep on keeping on.  And, as long as the government doesn't force conservative churches to unite them in holy matrimony, then I strongly support their secular freedom.  America's not a theocracy.  Live and let live.

I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  A Korean man went swimming in the ocean.  He was bitten by a poisonous octopus and subsequently rushed to the nearest hospital.  He's currently doing OK.  I stay out of the water.  Who knows what the hell is in there?  I didn't even realize that an octopus could be poisonous.  With my luck, I'd get ass-raped by an electrical eel.

Anyway, it's time for the song du jour.  Here's You and I by Yes.  God bless.

Monday, June 29, 2015

Monday

(Orange Is the New Black is a lot of laughs.)

Yesterday, I went to church with my eldest son.  The sermon centered on death.  How should Christians react to the big sleep?  The pastor told us that nobody truly dies.  This world's just our temporary home as Ur was a temporary home to Abraham.  In fact, the only real estate that Abraham actually owned was a cave where he buried his dead wife.  The message was soothing.

I watched season three of Orange Is the New Black.  A private corporation takes over the prison.  The company's trimming the budget in order to make a profit.  Consequently, all the guards are reduced to part-time status.  The institution hires novices to watch over the female felons.  This gives Piper a great idea.  She decides to sell her soiled panties on the internet to get some fast cash.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  No big surprise.  I'm not some filthy pagan.  I thanked Jesus for turning my son into a math wizard.  The kid managed to pull down A's on his last two exams.  I couldn't be happier.  I just hope he isn't cheating. 

I also asked The Savior to help the Dragon Lady with her anger issues.  James and I are no longer allowed to live at home on the weekends.  We must find other lodgings on Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays.  What a pisser.  On the bright side, the peace is delightful.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m. and turned on the internet.  Greece is in collapsing.  But I still can't see them exiting the Euro.  The global powers-that-be would have a complete shit-fit.  I'm no fan of Alex Jones.  Nevertheless, I wouldn't be surprised if an act of terror occurs in Athens, forcing Tsipras to step aside.  The banks will get their coin one way or another.

I read The Hobbit while enjoying a bathroom break.  I loved the novel back when I was a kid.  I forgot how enjoyable it is.  However, I certainly missed my newspaper.  It doesn't get delivered to my weekend retreat.  There's something about the black ink which brings me joy.

Anyway, it's time for the song du jour.  Here's Sundown by Gordon Lightfoot.  God bless.

Thursday, June 25, 2015

Thursday

(Salem:  Season 2 has jumped the shark.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady went shopping at Emart.  She brought home a large pepperoni pizza.  It came in a big cardboard box. The meal was delicious--especially the crust.  I'm a huge fan of junk food.  I washed the vittles down with several glasses of generic cola.  I'm overweight and my teeth are falling out.  But I only have to make it for another 19 years.  After that, I'm free to die of ass cancer.

I watched Salem.  Mary Sibly's frantic because Lucy Lawless stole her son.  Lucy wants to turn the child into Satan's cabana boy.  Meanwhile, John Aldon hides in the woods in order to assassinate the young man.  But John's too late.  The devil's already been unleashed.  Season one was full of witch trials and hangings.  Sadly, season two has jumped the shark.  The writers need to go back to the drawing board.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  No big surprise.  I'm not some dirty pagan.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  I thanked Jesus once again for the gift of patience.  I get the results of my son's algebra test later in the day.  His score is bound to be extremely disappointing.  But I can live with the sadness.  After all, what's a daddy to do?

I went to bed at 9 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 5 a.m. and turned on Fox News.  Neil Cavuto doesn't believe in global warming.  I'm skeptical, too.  Back when Neil and I were children, our government told us that the world was going into a severe ice age.  No kidding.  The news scared the living shit out of me.  I really believed that my friends and I would have to live in igloos for the rest of our lives just like a pack of filthy Canadians.  Well, the disaster never occurred.  I now suffer from trust issues.

I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  The news was quite joyful.  The match between Jose Aldo and Conor McGregor is back as originally scheduled.  It turns out the Jose's rib wasn't broken.  He merely sustained a bone bruise.  July 11th is definitely circled on my calender.  This fight will be one for the ages. 

Anyway, it's time for the song du jour.  Here's I Am I Said by Neil Diamond.  God bless.  

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Wednesday

(The Aldo-McGregor fight is in deep jeopardy.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady prepared beef and French fries for dinner.  The meal was quite good.  The fries were a bit overcooked. But a day without rice is always a plus.  I washed the vittles down with several glasses of generic cola.  Sugary soft-drinks give me much pleasure.

I watched the season finale of Aquarius.  Sam's son is arrested for treason by the military police.  His mother cries in anguish as he's dragged away in chains.  Meanwhile, Charlie's lawyer friend murders another prostitute.  Charlie hides the body in order to blackmail his companion.  Aquarius is very entertaining.  However, the program will soon be canceled.  It's not doing well in the ratings.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some filthy misanthrope.  I asked Jesus to give me the gift of patience.  My eldest son's in the eighth-grade.  The boy's taking an algebra test today.  He'll probably come home with another poor showing.  Oh well.  Not everyone was meant to attend MIT.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m. and turned on Fox News.  The Confederate flag was the top story.  The Five are happy that South Carolina is removing it from the state house.  The panel also applauded Walmart for banning the symbol from their stores.  Make no mistake.  The flag's a racist emblem of hate.  But it didn't kill nine people.  That atrocity was committed by a mentally ill drug-addled monster.

I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  I was overwhelmed by some very sad news.  The July 11th fight between Conor McGregor and Jose Aldo is in deep jeopardy.  Aldo fractured his rib while in training camp.  I can't tell you how excited I was to see this match.  The brash Irishman is a pain in the ass, and Aldo would've given him the beating he so richly deserves.

Anyway, it's time for the song du jour.  Here's Southside by Moby.  God bless.