Thursday, April 25, 2013


(I can't handle the truth.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady served pork and egg rolls for dinner.  The sauce she used to smother the meat was filled with spice and peanuts.  Talk about delicious.  It was so strong that I felt like someone was stabbing my tongue with an ice-pick.  I love hot stuff.

Jim studied the fiendish Korean language with his mother.  He was on his best behavior.  She's still pretty pissed that he got expelled from his math academy.  But my wife is handling the situation better than me.  I'm baffled.  My kid isn't an aggressive boy.  I'm not getting the full story.

Asians are the best liars in the world.  No kidding.  And Jim has mastered the art of the half-truth from his relatives.  Being in the dark is for the birds.  I'm one of those idiots who demands the truth.

I downloaded six episodes of The Bates Motel.  The series is another winner.  It comes with the Smith Seal of Approval.  What the hell happened?  American television is now an art form.  Who would've ever guessed that such a wonderful renaissance would occur?  Not me.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  Jesus tells us not to feel stress.  He says worrying won't add another minute to our lives.  He's absolutely right.  But stress just comes so naturally to us all.  A life without worry must be truly wonderful.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m.  I drank coffee and read the paper.  A lawmaker in Korea wants jail time for homosexuals.  The peninsula is very homophobic.  Being gay isn't easy in northeast Asia.  This is an extremely conservative part of the world.

I turned on Fox News.  The eldest Boston bomber used to collect welfare and food stamps.  It's legal for asylum seekers to get government benefits.  Cubans also qualify.

I feel a little sad.  I'm getting fat.  I can no longer squeeze into a size spite of all my exercise.  I'm currently 210 pounds.  Yes.  Smith is officially a disgusting fat body.  Oh well.  What's a boy to do?

Anyway, talk to you later.  God bless.


  1. Good Morning, Smith! You sure have the liar part right; my 17 year old is a master liar by omission. I can never pin anything on him because he always answers a question with a question.

    When I was 18, we got drunk and cooked a dog. When I married Bing, I asked her if she ate dog. She said "It's very easy to prepare." I said, but you are very crafty (she was using an alias passport with a different name at the time) You have a masters and speak seven languages. You didn't answer me, do you eat dog?

    "Of course not. Only drunkards eat dog."

    It was 19 years before I told her I had eaten a dog.

    Best, Jay

    PS I weight 155, and my waist is 38 or 40. I'm not fat, don't despair.

    1. I'm pudgy.

      No two ways about it.


  2. Worry is a curse. It saps pleasure from life and makes us old before our time. It's almost impossible to cure if you're made that way. I have it bad. I think it's something we pass down to our kids too, by example. But, let's face it, the world is a fairly gruesome place to hang out sometimes and maybe if you're not worried about things, there might be something wrong with you. Being a truth seeker can cause much worry but once you have decided that only the truth will do, you're stuck there. Can't go back to blissful, uninformed sleep.

    Poor Jim. I think the boy is angry. It's tough being pissed off when you're a kid because there is no way to get it out. You can't talk back or complain to your parents or teachers without punishment and you have no control over your destiny - yet. So, acting out with a fire extinguisher might be a symptom. He sounds like a good kid, overall. He's just getting some bottled up aggression out. (This concludes my completely amateur psychological profile of your eldest which isn't worth two cents but I can't help myself, sorry). I'm very fond of children.

    Buy some clothes in the next size up and relax, Smith. Be comfortable for heaven's sake. Life is short.

    Peace to you brother Smith.


    1. There's a story behind the story.

      He's not telling me the entire truth.

      My kid doesn't have balls that size.


  3. Can you speak Korean?

  4. Hey Smith . Get Jesus to write you a prescription for some Xanax.

    1. I don't need Xanax.

      I'm doing fine.



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