Friday, January 31, 2014


(I voted for Obama in 2008.  I didn't vote in 2012.)

Yesterday, I had a bacon omelet for dinner.  The Dragon Lady is celebrating Chinese New Year in Pusan with her family.  So I made the meal myself.  I used four eggs and a quarter pound of pork.  I washed it all down with 200 ounces of beer. 

I'll be dead soon.  My blood is actually cooking grease, and my heart is a beating hamburger.  I'm pushing 220 pounds.  When the time comes, just strap me down to a flatbed truck and drive me to the morgue.  If no one claims my body, feel free to feed my corpse to the lions at the local zoo.  I love jungle cats.

I watched Justified.  The show is adapted from an Elmore Leonard short story.  Tim Olyphant is the star of the series.  He plays a hillbilly lawman in Kentucky who likes to shoot the local scoundrels while looking stylish in a cowboy hat.  He has lots and lots of enemies.  The program also features Walton Goggins.  Mr. Goggins has huge teeth.  He could gnaw his way through a pine tree.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  It's not like I'm some filthy atheist.  The Boss tells us not to babble like a pagan.  So I usually pray solo and discreetly.  I try not to make a public spectacle of myself.  The last thing I need is a pat on the back.

I went to bed at 5 a.m.  I had a strange dream.  I sat on an old wooden chair in a police station.  The lead detective kept asking me questions about a criminal I'd never seen before.  I felt fearful.  Finally, I told him that the suspect had a degree from UNLV.  The detective seemed very surprised.

I woke up at 10 a.m.  I drank coffee.  Then I read the newspaper while taking a bathroom break.  Motley Crue is calling it quits.  I loved heavy metal as a teenager.  My favorite hard rock band is Metallica.  I also enjoy Iron Maiden.  I'm an absolute dweeb. 

I turned on Fox News.  Bill O'Reilly says that Obama is losing a lot of support from his liberal base.  According to the latest polls, his approval rating is in the toilet.  I voted for Obama.  Why?  I have bi-racial kids.  So I want them to know that they can succeed in the United States even if they aren't as white as snow.  America has never had an Asian commander-and-chief.  And the Children of the Rice would do a heck of a job.  James-uh for president!  Bluce for vp!

Anyway, let's close this post with the song of the day.  Here's Lady Gaga singing Poker Face.  Enjoy the music.  God bless.

Thursday, January 30, 2014


(It is now lunar new year in Asia.)

Yesterday, I had white rice and spicy pork for dinner.  The Dragon Lady was busy with her friends.  So I made the meal myself.  I washed the vittles down with a gallon of Coke.  I don't enjoy cooking.  The lowly task is woman's work.  What can I tell you?  Poor old Smith is a sorry simpleton.  Even cavemen are ashamed of my antics.  I give them all a bad name.

I watched The Shield.  It's a very exciting series.  Lieutenant Kavanauh's wife falsely accuses a man of rape.  Sadly, it turns out she raped herself with a soda bottle.  Kavanaugh then goes crazy in the police station and arrests Lemansky for distributing heroin.  The theme of police corruption is fascinating.  The cops are just as dirty as the men they send to prison.  You can download the series at this address.

The Dragon Lady and the Children of the Rice came home at 9 p.m.  They packed their clothes.  Don't worry.  They aren't leaving me.  It's Chinese New Year, and my wife will spend a few days at her sister's house in Pusan.  I'm not going.  I can't speak the lingo, so I usually just end up sitting by my lonesome in one of the bedrooms.  Not a lot of fun.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Our Father on bended knees.  I refuse to live my life like a filthy atheist.  Men worship.  It's in our nature.  If we aren't praying to God, then we are praying to other men.  And I shall never acknowledge the state as my leader.  Perhaps I'm a dirty anarchist.  Nevertheless, the Lord comes first and the powers-that-be don't even register.  Godless humanism is for the birds.  The enlightened progressives can all go take a flying screw at a rolling donut.

I went to bed at four a.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke at ten a.m.  I drank some coffee.  Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  There was an op-ed about the hyper-competitive nature of Korean mothers.  Asian moms take education seriously.  A little too seriously if you ask me.  My youngest son Bluce just turned six.  We send him to piano, math, English, Korean, etc.  He doesn't get home until 7 p.m.  It's crazy.  But try telling that to the Dragon Lady.  She'll put your nuts in a vice.

I turned on Fox News.  Bill O'Reilly is against the legalization of marijuana.  He wants tougher drug laws.  Here's the problem.  We already incarcerate more people than China and Russia combined.  Squeezing more people into prison cells just isn't a solution.  Wake up.  America is on the cusp of becoming a police state.  My advice to Bill?  Smoke some chronic and chill.

Let's end this post with the song of the day.  Here's Pepper by the Butthole Surfers.  Enjoy the music, and God bless you all.

Wednesday, January 29, 2014


(Forest Whitaker is a great actor.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady went to E-mart.  She bought a large pepperoni pizza without cheese.  I'm not a big fan of dairy.  It tasted like cardboard.  But that's OK.  I didn't complain.  I just smiled and ate my vittles.  I'm wonderful that way. 

I called my mother.  She lives on the Florida panhandle.  Mom says the weather is dreadful.  The poor old woman's ass is frozen to her folding metal chair.  She keeps herself wrapped in a blanket because she's trying to save money.  Cigarettes help with her blood circulation.  Mom lost a great deal of wealth when the real-estate market collapsed.

I began season five of The Shield.  Forest Whitaker plays an internal affairs investigator on the trail of Vic Mackey.  Forrest is a great actor.  I've seen all his movies.  I loved him in Fast Times at Ridgemont High.  He portrays an extremely angry middle linebacker.  I laughed till I peed my pants.

I paid homage to Christ.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  It's not like I'm some filthy nihilist.  Never let anyone get in your way of a relationship with God.  If they do, then kick them in the nuts.  Metaphorically speaking.

Sometimes, the fundamentalists, strict Roman Catholics, and conservative evangelicals can be just as bad as the atheists and liberals.   They often unwittingly drive people away from the truth and the light. The problem?  Many Christians are terrible know-it-alls.  Each sect believes that they exclusively hold the keys to the kingdom. 

Your response should always be polite.  Just smile and nod and go about your business.  No reason to debate these jug-heads.  You'll never win.  I'm reminded of the paralyzed man who wanted to see Jesus.  Yet the crowds were too thick and he couldn't get an audience with the king.  So the man's friends actually dug a hole in the roof and lowered him down with a rope.  The lesson?  Be aggressive.  Don't take no for an answer.

I went to bed at 4 a.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 11 a.m.  I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  The three major Korean networks have decided to start censoring some popular musical videos.  The powers-that-be fear that many young female singers are becoming too sexual.  It's all a bunch of nonsense.  Here's an example of a group on the hit-list.  Pretty tame if you ask me.

I turned on Fox News.  Obama delivered the state of the union address.  I didn't listen.  Perhaps I'm paranoid.  But I just don't trust my government.  The president is an accomplished liar.  He likes blowing smoke up the collective ass of the American people.

Let's close this post with a song of the day.  Here is Back in the New York Groove by Kiss.  Enjoy the music, and God bless you all.

Tuesday, January 28, 2014


(True Detective is very creepy.)

Yesterday, I had white rice and spicy pork for dinner.  I made it all by my lonesome.  The Dragon Lady was too busy drinking coffee with her friends.  I didn't enjoy the meal.  The food tastes better when I turn my poor old Asian wife into a domestic slave.  I'm terrible that way.

I had an argument with my eldest son James-uh.  He's been pissing off his mother on a daily basis.  I took away his computer for a week.  But my punishment came with a caveat. 

I said, "Look, if you kiss Mom's ass later tonight, perhaps I'll show mercy."

The Dragon Lady came home at 8 p.m.  He said, "I'm sorry, Mom.  Please accept my apology."

She said, "You not da solly.  You just ruv me because I da waitress."

He said, "Dad, I tried kissing her ass.  But she doesn't believe me."

I said, "I don't believe you, either."

But I showed mercy, nonetheless.  James-uh's jail sentence has been reduced by four days.  He is now free to play StarCraft in seventy-two short hours.  I'm a glorious father.  Hollywood ought to make a television show about me.

I watched a strange drama called True Detective.  Have you seen it?  The series stars Woody Harrelson and revolves around the ritualistic murder of a prostitute.  True Detective is quite creepy.  It's shot in rural Louisiana.  I used to live in Cajun country.  And I very much enjoy the satanic angle to the tale.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  Joy is an important facet of Christianity.  Jesus was beaten, crucified, and raised from the dead.  So we shouldn't spend our lives looking stern and sorrowful.  The news is good even though our existence often seems dark and dreary.

I went to sleep at four a.m.  I woke up at 11 a.m.  I read the paper while going to the bathroom.  A twelve-year-old boy in Australia was killed by a crocodile while swimming in a lake.  The authorities haven't been able to recover the body.  Unfortunately, the child was probably consumed by the reptile.

I turned on Fox News.  O'Reilly will interview Obama during the Super Bowl halftime show.  He's currently asking his guests what questions he should raise with the president. 

Not one of them addressed the 800-pound gorilla in the room.  America is an off-shored economy.  So how can a diverse nation of 320 million people thrive in a specialized highly-technical economic environment?  The answer?  It can't.  We need manufacturing.  America is slowly dying on the vine--a tragic victim of the greedy corporate fat-cats.

On that happy note, I'll talk to you later.  God bless you all.

Monday, January 27, 2014


(Walton Goggins has huge teeth.)

Yesterday, we ate at McDonald's for dinner.  I devoured a Big Mac plus two large orders of French fries.  I'm essentially a carnivore.  I washed it all down with a gallon of Coke.  I'll be dead soon.  But that's OK.  At least I won't have to listen to the Dragon Lady bitch all the time.  Perhaps I should take up smoking again.  Might as well enjoy some rich tobacco pleasure while still trapped in this mortal coil.

I watched The Shield.  I'm now on season 4.  Glenn Close is the new police chief.  Shane is running amok.  Even his macho friend Vic Mackey can't keep the renegade cop in check.  The role of Shane is played by Walton Goggins.  Mr. Goggins, a wonderful actor who currently stars in Justified, has the biggest teeth I've ever seen.  He could chomp his way through a stately oak tree.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  Kneeling is important.  It symbolizes subordination and a willingness to obey.  We don't want to be like Simon the Pharisee.  Men of his ilk are so self-important that they presume to judge God.  Instead, we should be like the prostitute who begs for forgiveness while in Simon's house.  The key word when talking to God is humility.  One must know his place.  At least in my opinion.

I went to sleep at three a.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 9 a.m.  I read the paper while going to the bathroom.  A group of Korean oldsters in Flushing, New York, is no longer welcome at a local McDonald's.  They were spending all day in the popular restaurant drinking coffee.  Many of these geezers were too cheap to pay for their beverages.  They were drinking refills from cups that were several days old.

I turned on Fox News.  Mike Huckabee is in trouble.  The problem?  He claims the American government is trying to control female libido.  The former governor of Arkansas also believes that birth control pills shouldn't be covered under Obamacare.  Instead, they need to be an out-of-pocket expense.  My opinion?  I'm one of those filthy communists who actually likes socialized medicine.  The United States would benefit from a single-payer plan.

The Dragon Lady is fit to be tied.  First, my youngest son Bluce cried about having to go to school.  That's unusual.  The kid usually enjoys playing with his friends.  Then James-uh caused problems when she asked him to help around our apartment.  

She said, "I so tired.  Why you not help da mommy?  That's it!  You not pray da computa."

She finally went to work.  Everything is nice and peaceful.  I guess I'll watch some television.

Anyway, so long for now.  And God bless you all. 

Sunday, January 26, 2014


(Steer your sons away from the special forces.  It's just way too dangerous.)

Yesterday, I had seafood gumbo for dinner.  The Dragon Lady made it with shrimp and potatoes.  The meal was so spicy that the broth almost set my lips on fire.  But that's OK.  I like hot food.  Poor old Smith is still quite the macho stud.  In fact, I might be the most beautiful white man on the entire peninsula. All the girlies say so. 

I washed down my vittles with several glasses of Coke.  I'm no longer a beer drinker and a hell raiser.  What happened?  Age.  Plain and simple.  Now the smell of alcohol turns my stomach.  However, I do miss smoking cigarettes.  Perhaps I'll die soon.  No one lives forever.

I watched a movie called Lone Survivor.  It's about a failed SEAL mission in Afghanistan.  I had a very emotional response to the film, especially at the end when I saw the actual pictures of all the young men who were flown home in coffins to their loved ones.  I'm just sick and tired of seeing innocent American boys getting their balls shot off in foreign lands.  Sadly, the wars never seem to end.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  It's not like I'm some misguided nihilist.  Jesus is a powerhouse.  If you invite him into your life, he will kick you right in the spiritual nuts.  You shall be transformed. 

I went to bed at three a.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 8 a.m.  I read the paper while going to the bathroom.  A college student in America is knowingly passing his HIV infection to his many male lovers.  The powers-that-be are charging him with countless felonies.  He'll be the loneliest man in prison.

I walked to church.  The foreign service is held in a bar/restaurant.  It's all very charismatic.  Lots of singing and hand clapping.  Unfortunately, I'm very uptight.  I wish I could let my hair down.  But I can't.  So I just pretend to hum along while gently swaying from side to side.  The theme of the sermon was forgiveness.  Forgiveness is important.  Hatred can turn into an uncontrollable cancer.

I took the Children of the Rice to go see a Disney film called Frozen.  It's about a princess who turns people into ice.  She also creates a cute talking snowman named Olaf with her special magic.  Olaf has a wonderful sense of humor.  All the ladies love him.  The end.

I yelled at my eldest son James-uh.  The kid never stops complaining.  He just jabbers away incessantly.  The boy is also a StarCraft crack-head.  I want him to go outside and play.  But he prefers getting high by pretending to destroy the universe.  So what's a daddy to do? 

It's currently 6:11 p.m.  Perhaps I'll read a novel.  Anyway, so long for now.  And God bless you all.

Saturday, January 25, 2014


(The Yankees sign Tanaka.)

Yesterday, I went to Burger King with the Dragon Lady and James-uh.  Bluce was at school.  We took the Santa Fe.  I quit drinking and smoking a couple years back.  And I feel much better.  However, I still have a problem with coarse language.  Sadly, Korean drivers only exacerbate this bad habit.  If I were king of the peninsula, I'd confiscate all their automobiles and make them ride horses to work.  So let it be written, so let it be done.

I had a Whopper with French fries.  I also enjoyed two orders of onion rings.  I'm really packing on the pounds.  I've got bacon grease running through my veins.  And I fear my heart shall soon explode.  Unfortunately, I won't be leaving behind a beautiful corpse.  Here's the sad truth.  I'm an unattractive lard ass who can't keep his pudgy hands away from the pretzel bowl.  So what's a boy to do?

I spent the evening at home watching The Shield.  It's a great police drama.  The protagonist is named Vic Mackey.  He's a crooked cop who has his greedy mitts in the cookie jar.  He's surrounded and protected by other crooked colleagues.  Vic and his pals have just ripped off the Armenian mafia.  They are being chased by an evil hit man who likes to cut off his victims' feet.  Good stuff.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  I refuse to go through life like some forsaken atheist or dirty nihilist.  I need a code.  What I like about Jesus is that he suffers with us.  He knows what it's like to be poor.  He knows what it's like to be hungry.  And he knows the stinging pain of humiliation and death.  Now that's service.

I went to bed at four a.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 9 a.m.  I drank coffee.  Then I read the morning paper while going to the bathroom.  The New York Yankees signed a Japanese pitcher named Masahiro Tanaka.  He must be quite talented.  The organization is paying him 155 million dollars.

I turned on Fox News.  O'Reilly talked and talked about the joys of capitalism.  He said that the rich float all boats with their money.  He's probably right.  But America isn't a capitalistic society.  There seems to be an ungodly alliance between big business and government.  The profits are privatized while the smelly huddled masses are burdened with the losses.

There was also a disgusting story about 85 of the ultra-rich controlling more wealth than 3.5 billion poverty-stricken souls.  If that's capitalism, then you can shove it up your ass.  It sounds more like theft and exploitation to me.  I'm no Harvard graduate.  But I understand when someone is pissing on my leg and calling it rain.

Anyway, it's currently 11:20 p.m.  Alas, poor old Smith needs his beauty rest.  So long for now.  And God bless you all.

Friday, January 24, 2014

My Muse Has Returned

(I'm Back to Blogging.)

I've decided to come off hiatus.  But I doubt that anyone really cares.  It's not like I'm Ernest Hemingway.

I find writing difficult.  Why?  I'm a simpleton.  No kidding.  Poor old Smith is about as smart as a dolphin.  So I have to take a break from time to time.

I want to thank everybody for their support over the years.  I realize I've ruffled a few feathers along the way.  However, it's all water under the bridge.  Please forgive any past transgressions.

Anyway, so long for now.  And God bless you all.