Wednesday, May 7, 2014


(Rob Ford: At least he never tortured anybody.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady made beef and French fries for dinner.  The food sucked giant ass.  But I didn't complain.  I just smiled and ate my meal.  I'm wonderful that way.  I washed the vittles down with several large glasses of Coke.  Carbonated beverages can even turn shit to gold.

I downloaded season 4 of Shameless.  I viewed every single episode.  The series gave me a quesy feeling in the pit of my stomach.  Most of the characters have no moral compass whatsoever.  Nevertheless, I'm an avid fan. 

It's like watching a car accident.  You want to turn away, but your eyes remain glued to the carnage.  For instance, Frank finally gets a new liver.  So what's the first thing he does after the operation?  He drinks whiskey.  Meanwhile, Fiona's serving time for nearly killing a toddler with her misplaced cocaine.  You get the idea.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  After all, I'm not some filthy atheist.  I asked Jesus to make my wife into a better person.  The woman is a first-rate shrew.  Her constant complaining drives me nuts.  She bitches when she wakes up.  And she bitches when she goes to bed.  Poor old Smith needs a little peace in his tumultuous life.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I had a nightmare about driving to a deserted shopping mall.  The bookstore was completely empty.  I stole several bestsellers.  Nobody caught me. 

I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank several cups of coffee.  Then I read the newspaper while enjoying a bathroom break.  Rob Ford, the beleaguered mayor of Toronto, is going to rehab to treat his addiction. I can't judge the man.  I loved getting shit-faced.  Sadly, I'm no stranger to the art of blacking out.  Alcohol is a powerful drug.

I turned on Fox News.  The Five were complaining about Rutgers University.  It seems the school canceled a commencement speech by Condoleeza Rice.  Why?  Some of the students accused her of being a war criminal.  Good for them.  Torturers need to be ostracized.  The Bush administration was an utter disgrace.  Ms. Rice should be deeply ashamed of herself.

Anyway, it's time for the song du jour.  Here's Mr. Soul by Neil Young.  Enjoy.   

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