Saturday, August 9, 2014

Saturday

(Shane Youman pitches for the Lotte Giants.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady went to Emart.  She brought home a peperoni pizza.  It came in a large cardboard box.  The Children of the Rice killed the entire pie in less than fifteen minutes.  I only managed to eat three slices.  I'm lucky to have escaped with my fingers.  I washed the vittles down with several glasses of generic cola.  Sadly, poor old Smith can only afford off-brands.  Yet I remain thankful.  Things could be much worse.  I'm just happy that I wasn't born in Chad.

I watched baseball on the tube.  The Samsung Lions hosted the Lotte Giants in the city of Daegu.  The Lions won the game 10-9.  The starting pitcher for Lotte was an American named Shane Youman.  He's from the great state of Louisiana.  Shane used to pitch for the Pittsburgh Pirates, but things didn't work out.  Mr. Youman currently makes $360,000 a year doing what he loves.  Plus he has all his teeth.  What a lucky man.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some filthy nihilist.  I asked Jesus for a life with no drama.  I absolutely hate conflict.  I wish I had a switch that could turn off my brain.  Vegetables must be the happiest of all the living organisms.  What I wouldn't give to be a carrot.

I went to bed at midnight.  I had a dream about a girl I used to know.  She kept asking me to touch her breasts.  I refused.  She had a boyfriend, and I didn't want to make him angry.  I feared that he might become violent.  Perhaps I'm a latent homosexual.  Stranger things have happened.

I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank several cups of coffee.  Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  A teacher in Incheon recently got reprimanded.  He sprayed insecticide on the face of a naughty young high school student.  Corporal punishment was recently banned here on the peninsula, and many teachers are having a tough time maintaining control in their classrooms.

I turned on Fox News.  The Five discussed the sad situation in Iraq. The majority of the panel seemed to favor boots on the ground.  Yet the Iraqi army outnumbers ISIS five to one.  I thought we trained those Shiite bastards in the art of warfare.  If that's the best they can do, then they better get ready for a Sunni boot on their throat.

Anyway, it's time to don our tinfoil hats.  Here's Bill Bonner discussing the upcoming financial collapse with Alex Jones.  

God bless.   

4 comments:

  1. Smith, how can you be a fan of health food nut Gary Null yet live on a diet of mostly junk? Something doesn't add up.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm a mysterious man of contradictions.

      Delete
  2. Smith, if you turn out to be a homosexual, you'll share that characteristic with Adolph Hitler. Hitler was as queer as a three-legged billy goat.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Great. Something else to look forward to.

      Delete

Thanks for stopping by. Smith.