(Harambe gets greased.)
Yesterday, I took the Dragon Lady to a restaurant for dinner. We ate fifteen dollars worth of fried chicken. The food was wonderful. I'm a huge fan of poultry. I washed the vittles down with a pitcher of Hite. Hite is a famous brand of Korean beer. It's a favorite amongst the locals. A good time was had by all.
I didn't watch television. Instead, I talked with my wife about opening our own business. She's very gung-ho about the idea. However, I have a bad case of cold feet. I don't like taking risks. In fact, I no longer enjoy excitement. It only serves to raise my blood pressure. Sleep and boredom are my favorite hobbies.
I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty pagan. I thanked The Savior for my many blessings. My children seem happy enough, and my wife's no longer a screaming loon. Plus I can afford to eat meat from time to time. I'm just glad that I wasn't born in Detroit.
I went to bed at 10 p.m. I dreamt that I was back in high school. There was a mass shooting and many of my classmates were killed. I went to give a police report and found one of my pastors French kissing a hot Asian cutie. He told me that he didn't want to be my friend. I was very disappointed.
I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. Many Koreans are cyber-bullies. They use the internet to badmouth foreigners, cripples, and homosexuals. The government is now studying the situation.
I turned on CNN. A little four-year-old boy slipped into the gorilla cage at the Cincinnati Zoo. The cage belonged to an animal named Harambe. Everybody loved the poor beast because he never threw his shit at the spectators. Unfortunately, the powers-that-be put a bullet in Harambe's brain in order to rescue the child. I'm in full agreement with the decision to grease the gorilla. People come first.
Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.